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Feverous Embrace
Contributed by
krazykat05
on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 06:45:58 AM in AEST
Topic:
ambiguous
|
Couldnt you see my little drop of dignity
Tumbling from my heavy lids
Dropped carelessly from the clasp of my weighty lashes
Cascading over the arid territory of my porcelain skin.
Didnt you watch it glide through past expressions
Dipping and diving with the contours of my face,
Licking away its sinful past
Leaving only a snail-trail of translucent recollections.
Shouldnt you have noticed its immanent fall
Clutching desperately to my hostile chin,
Feeling its unforgiving form- anticipating its callous release
Plunging to your indifferent grace
Wouldnt you try and accommodate its warm presence,
At least look at its liquid bullet,
Watch it draw a crimson heart from your leathered skin.
its salt passionately corroding your armour.
But you dont, you avert your vacant gaze
Turn your impassive voids to anothers grasp
Secretly waiting for my satin touch to free its tender memory
To forge its unwilling absolution.
Except I dont wipe away that pain, I just watch it,
Observe its ability to tamper with the accepted.
Enjoy the bittersweet stench of the branded skin.
Fresh and revitalised from its previous state.
Just waiting on my man-made ideals
And floating islands of experctations.
Hoping that next time you might hold my heavy lids
And appreciate the fever of my salty embrace.
Copyright ©
krazykat05
... [
2005-01-04 06:45:58]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Feverous Embrace
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 07:18:14 AM AEST
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a Message)
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that was very good, very discriptive and expressed well
pixie xx |
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Re: Feverous Embrace
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 07:38:27 AM AEST
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a Message)
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That was none the less.......better than most of my writes. Low standards.......BLAH! Beautifil, and very descriptive , write.
Brew~ |
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Re: Feverous Embrace
(User Rating: 1 )
by Whitelightning77 on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 08:04:18 AM AEST
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a Message)
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very well written . I echo Brew's Blah - 'tis as good as anyone else's her.
welcome and thanks for sharing |
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Re: Feverous Embrace
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty_cat on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 08:15:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I think it was brilliant!!! One word of advise though...I would give it more rhythm, I didn't feel like it flowed very well. But its your poem, do what you like with it!
welcome
cat xx |
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Re: Feverous Embrace
(User Rating: 1 )
by vampyrekiss on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 04:13:52 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I thought that was extramly well writtin and also it doesnt matter how old you are to write good poems :) and also one more thing of advise never compare your work ot someone elses because its like comparing apples and oranges whatever anyway good write and cant wait to read more :) |
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Re: Feverous Embrace
(User Rating: 1 )
by pUnKa_RaCh on
Monday, 10th January 2005 @ 07:34:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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this is great for ur first poem!!! WELL DONE!!! ur descriptive word use is excellent and u seem very passionate about what ur reading.
i like it...keep it up;)
Well done |
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