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As We Were (temp. title)
Contributed by
ShadowDaughter
on
Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 06:50:43 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
breath of air-
you
don't smell of breezes anymore
windowpane remembers
your lips;
they
clouded it with your
soft grey breath
to slay the reflection
keep it glazed-
fingertips on glass
leave ghosts.
epiphany:
breezes are scentless
(how long did I know
before
permitting myself to be told?)
facing the wind
hair tangling,
openmouthed as words unspoken
{needless}
condense on my window-
'twixt steam and ghosts
---I breathe in---
and
for a clouded greyfade instant
I may have found you,
scentless.
Copyright ©
ShadowDaughter
... [
2005-01-07 18:50:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: As We Were (temp. title)
(User Rating: 1 )
by autumngreeneyes on
Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 07:54:18 PM AEST
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|
soft grey breath
to slay the reflection
I really like this..because that's the part I get.. |
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Re: As We Were (temp. title)
(User Rating: 1 )
by cuddlytiger17 on
Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 08:13:43 PM AEST
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I absolutely love almost everything you write,
including this of course! lol. And it's really
effective how you always use the
parenthesis for your questioning thoughts
within the poem itself. You're really talented.
I'm going to go see what other beauties
you've posted since I've been gone. =) |
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Re: As We Were (temp. title)
(User Rating: 1 )
by MoonlitAngel on
Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 10:32:27 PM AEST
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| i so adore the end. beautiful piece, you should put this much emotion into everything you write. at least then i'd understand them more. lol. this is really lovely. :) |
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Re: As We Were (temp. title)
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 8th January 2005 @ 02:49:25 AM AEST
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This is such a good poem, its also composed and writen so well. Good write.
Hugs,
Jane x |
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Re: As We Were (temp. title)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lee on
Saturday, 8th January 2005 @ 04:15:08 PM AEST
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|
You've got good form
and way of intriguing
the reader.
"condense on my window-
'twixt steam and ghosts
---I breathe in---"
The imagery in these
lines speaks for itself
and the way you've
structured them
is magnificent. |
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Re: As We Were (temp. title)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Tuesday, 11th January 2005 @ 12:32:05 AM AEST
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|
The tone here says as much as the words (well... perhaps...). This really is lovely. The opening and the closing --- they are so very touching and quite impactful.
Beautifully done - as always, Nora. This one though... I have to agree with Dee --- it's somehow more intimate, more emotional.... more full.
I've missed reading you... I've been away from your page too long,
SNM |
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Re: As We Were (temp. title)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eve on
Saturday, 22nd January 2005 @ 01:34:39 PM AEST
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In my own way, I understood this one. Maybe it's the scraps of memories that become part of this just for my sake when I read it. Not something I could just read once and think about it. No, this one stole me.
I like the title,
-Eve. |
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Re: As We Were (temp. title)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bleeding_Nightmares on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 11:03:46 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| well written verse, flowing, vivid excellent poetry. |
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