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I'm Sorry
Contributed by
EternalNight4x
on
Saturday, 8th January 2005 @ 02:28:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Im sorry that I caused you pain
Im sorry that I drain my veins
Im sorry I never express my thought
Im sorry torment is all Ive brought
Im sorry that Im not good enough
Im sorry that dealing with me gets tough
Im sorry I never have much to say
Im sorry I cause you pain each day
Im sorry I never know how to reply
Im sorry that I constantly lie
Im sorry that a flee from my fears
Im sorry my words you never hear
Im sorry that to you I dont care
Im sorry to be with me you must bare
Im sorry that I never said goodbye
Its for the best that I did die
Copyright ©
EternalNight4x
... [
2005-01-08 14:28:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I'm Sorry
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 8th January 2005 @ 02:34:59 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| "I'm sorry" I read this! |
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Re: I'm Sorry
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 8th January 2005 @ 02:40:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| well this could be better if you wouldnt say "im sorry" every line but once. words that are repeated lose their meaning, power, and emotion. to me, and others, it is also annoying. you have good rhymes and substance. everything except for the repeating is good. you can say im sorry once in a poem, and it can carry through the entire poem. |
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Re: I'm Sorry
(User Rating: 1 )
by afterdark on
Saturday, 8th January 2005 @ 02:45:19 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I really should not even try to comment here. |
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Re: I'm Sorry
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rolzwalt on
Saturday, 8th January 2005 @ 03:00:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I think it's a good poem. I would also take out some "I'm sorry that" s but keep the first two and add an extra one at the end maybe. Some of the lines might seem connected this way though. But that's just a suggestion. It's good to read. |
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Re: I'm Sorry
(User Rating: 1 )
by socialburnin on
Sunday, 9th January 2005 @ 03:18:38 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| u have nothing to be sorry for, it wasent your fault, it was mine and u have nothing to be sorry for |
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