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The Dreadnaughts
Contributed by
Mr_Jeremy
on
Sunday, 9th January 2005 @ 05:56:08 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Care not for catching cathode rays,
in eyes that nurture magma-pain;
the orange-fizzled tremor scream
that harrows out from Channel Vain.
The flickered screen of ashen smoke
Which billows on before this room,
Can you not see how glass evokes
such pictures of this vivid doom?
Had we not been born so hurt,
and had we not consumed those years
without these signals that had girt
our minds and broken through our ears,
then people of this recky-room,
know this, a war would have been had
between a dreadnaught force for good
against those whom we need so bad.
And yet,
Necessity is evil, baned-
to us, who're bound in breathless wheels,
and in their signals, they've ordained,
that this is how 'defenceless' feels.
But do remember each, your past-
for at one time, they feared your eyes
they feared you dreadnaughts, to the last-
This rebel hell, I realize.
Copyright ©
Mr_Jeremy
... [
2005-01-09 17:56:08]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Dreadnaughts
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 9th January 2005 @ 06:16:30 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Interesting write that tells a story. Watch spelling. :-) Cheers! |
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Re: The Dreadnaughts
(User Rating: 1 )
by afterdark on
Monday, 10th January 2005 @ 05:36:17 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| spell check spell check..no real guidline to follow here..the flow is riddled with problems galore..the wordiness should be cut down. |
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Re: The Dreadnaughts
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 23rd April 2005 @ 09:55:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| the wordiness of this poem does actually make the poem lose power. so many words make the words seem useless even. |
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