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What Happened To You
Contributed by
StarryNightsIV
on
Thursday, 13th January 2005 @ 04:58:49 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
What happened to you?
What did I do?
To cause you to explode on me
A reason for I cannot see
All I ever did was try and listen
And now you wonder why I wont let you in?
Whenever I do you give me bull****
From all your lies Im fed up and sick
To help me was you intent
But all I see is pains what you meant
Youre not the man I thought you would be
Youre not the man I forced myself to see
I looked past all your imperfections
And realize all your immense deceptions
I hate you, so then why do I care
That never again will you ever be there
Copyright ©
StarryNightsIV
... [
2005-01-13 16:58:49]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: What Happened To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by wolfman on
Thursday, 13th January 2005 @ 06:16:03 PM AEST
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"Welcom to YPDC (your-poetry.com) you will always have faimly and friends who care here."
this is a very sad and emotionaly expreseve poem (*hugs*) I am sorry for your loss and want you to know that it will get better the pain wont fully go away but you will learn to cope with it and that will make you a better person.
this poem was very moving the flow was stedy buyt the rythem was a little off (but still very good for your first) all it takes it a little practice and you will get better at it looking for word to reading more of your work.
wolfman |
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Re: What Happened To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by girltranscended on
Thursday, 13th January 2005 @ 06:19:48 PM AEST
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"You’re not the man I forced myself to see"
Forcing, usually ... not good :) |
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Re: What Happened To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 13th January 2005 @ 06:36:42 PM AEST
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If this poem is from experience, which I hope it isn't, for your sake, I commiserate. It is in fact, a very good effort - better than my first poem, I am thinking.
I enjoyed your rhymes, and even though (as wolfman points out) your meter was out, I guess you'd have to learn more about poetry first, to figure out how to get it in line. Just keep reading and writing here (it gets addictive, trust me) and i'm sure you'll improve. I have.
Welcome to YPDC, by the way . . . |
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Re: What Happened To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by hoist1atca on
Thursday, 13th January 2005 @ 06:47:29 PM AEST
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Very good poem I would say-
I do not try to give advice save for this (always write from your heart and not your mind)-
Thoughts change yet feeelings remain forever...
Joe
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Re: What Happened To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dawny on
Friday, 14th January 2005 @ 06:31:51 AM AEST
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Good flow and powerful emotions, very good start.
Welcome to YPDC!!
Love Dawny xxx |
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