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Living A Lie
Contributed by
Cagedsoul
on
Friday, 14th January 2005 @ 08:13:51 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Living this lie cannot last
Clinging to a futile past
If the skeletons in our closets stay
We will bathe ourselves in deep dismay
An eternal fire burning within
The scars you gave burn like a sin
Eternal love it was not
Twas only a passionate thought
By your memories I am tossed
To and fro soon am lost
Always I am searching
For a way to stop this hurting
Copyright ©
Cagedsoul
... [
2005-01-14 20:13:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Living A Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by punkhead13 on
Friday, 14th January 2005 @ 08:16:45 PM AEST
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wow, i can definately relate to this. it's awsome. keep up the good work!
sarah |
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Re: Living A Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Friday, 14th January 2005 @ 08:31:13 PM AEST
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| Great write. Very sad though. A broken heart will mend in time. Much peace. |
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Re: Living A Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by LadyBo on
Friday, 14th January 2005 @ 09:12:57 PM AEST
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| I hope your have more like this...I could actually feel the emotion; you have a good sense of words. |
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Re: Living A Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by sojourner on
Friday, 14th January 2005 @ 10:03:15 PM AEST
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Sad/But there is beauty in the written word
when it comes from that burning love within your soul,and you do have soul.
Sojourner, |
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Re: Living A Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by Clarity_Rising on
Friday, 14th January 2005 @ 10:54:40 PM AEST
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| Compelling and beautiful. |
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Re: Living A Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by AlurTemptation on
Friday, 14th January 2005 @ 11:01:54 PM AEST
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| Who doesn't live a lie? The rich? No, they live one too. What's the point of living? Your poem brought questions to my mind. I'm not sure if thats a good thing really, but your poem was worth the read. |
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Re: Living A Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Saturday, 15th January 2005 @ 12:42:05 AM AEST
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Nice first post, Cagedsoul. In terms of feedback, I'd have to say I stumbled a bit on "bathe ourselves in deep dismay" and "burn like a sin"... if only because I wondered if you would have chose to express yourself this way if you hadn't been seeking a rhyme for the prior line(s). Just a thought...
Overall - I agree... worth a read. I do hope that you keep writing/posting.
Welcome to YPDC!
SNM |
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Re: Living A Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by CurtisC on
Saturday, 15th January 2005 @ 03:10:00 AM AEST
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very nice poem, the second stanza rhyming seams a little forced, but it turned out alright. I have that same problem sometimes too, its just hard to come up with a line that rhymes and has good rhythm at the same time too. Keep it up.....
Curtis |
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Re: Living A Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 15th January 2005 @ 04:35:34 AM AEST
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A very compelling write, i do agree with the second stanza on the ryming but it turned out ok so its all good. I like this and hope to see more of your poems soon.
P.S. Welcome to YPDC and thanks for posting.
Hugs,
Jane x |
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Re: Living A Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by prozac_memory on
Saturday, 15th January 2005 @ 10:41:07 AM AEST
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this is a lovely poem
[x] |
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Re: Living A Lie
(User Rating: 1 )
by TaintedSoul on
Thursday, 20th January 2005 @ 10:26:55 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Profound write I must say. And well rhyming is such a pain.
peace
TS |
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