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Triangulation (I - III) and the Broken Prism
Contributed by
Xnoybis
on
Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 04:02:14 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Triangulation (I-III) and the Broken Prism
Angle 1:
So smart and clever
You orchestrated it all
Too smart and clever
To see the real fall
The fall wasn't what you thought
It was a much bigger piece
The fall wasn't what we saw
But the breaking of peace
You ran away blindly
Left us to clean the mess
And that's what we did
Maybe it was for the best.
Angle 2:
So smart, but clouded
You could have had it all
So smart, but slow
You were your own fall
Head ringed in smoke
You couldn't let it be
Trails of the vapors
If you could only see
But you stuck around
And we finished it out
We did what we could
With a shadow of doubt
Angle 3:
So smart, but stupid
You saw it all
Too smart, too stupid
to prevent the fall
Head full of booze
Heart full of hate
If you hadn't been so selfish
You could have seen Fate
But you stuck around
And saw it to its end
You still stick around
Waiting for your friend
Broken Prism:
And still it hangs in balance
This focus of three
Waiting to focus synergy
Where can that last angle be?
Copyright ©
Xnoybis
... [
2005-01-23 04:02:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Triangulation (I - III) and the Broken Prism
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 04:37:50 AM AEST
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a Message)
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to me this write crys out .very sad,
well done. |
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Re: Triangulation (I - III) and the Broken Prism
(User Rating: 1 )
by Deleterious_Dislike on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 05:42:59 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Very different. It has potential to be amazing. *sighs* I wont lie.. as a 'poem' it doesnt appeal to me..the rhyming is weak..the point..clear but plain. The layout is great! I love the sectioning. I'm no poetic godess (lol) i mean no harm.. Ive angered another through my honesty. It's the pattern and arrangement of the stanzas..that let it down. It could be interpretated as a 'style' but not in my opinion.
Looking through your titles and the layout of this poem, you have a creative mind. I will read your latest/other stuff in time.
Take care x X x |
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