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Sincerity
Contributed by
fielding88
on
Wednesday, 26th January 2005 @ 05:54:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I take up space, but what for?
I use what I have for wrong.
So clean on the top, but rot inside,
My entire life is a lie.
I want to feel, I want to live
My life with someone else,
Who can complete the void inside,
And make me feel again.
How can I find the one I need
To wipe clean my dirty slate,
To bring me around to a desire inside
That will bring me happiness indeed?
Im not sincere, but say that I am.
I change emotions like clothes.
For in my mind, I carry inside
Empty, plain, and pathetic thoughts.
A side of me will demonstrate
Every so often its rage
That its voice remains trapped deep inside,
And is never heard by choice.
Ive lost control of myself, I have no aid
To bring my emotions in check,
For all the things released from deep inside
Are angry and nothing more.
The feelings I show are manufactured to give
The appearance of a human within,
Yet, I cannot hide what is deep inside.
From all, from none, from me.
I know when Im real, but rarely ever am,
Its a longing I feel so strong.
That I can bring to light whats inside
To someone willing to see.
Emotions I hold, and within they stay
Never to be released to one
Whom I love; or want to inside
A burden to bear on my heart.
Theyll see me one day,
And that day I fear,
For my true colours will appear
To one undeserving,
Yet to me so near,
Remember these words:
Im never sincere,
Until I cant speak without drawing a tear.
Copyright ©
fielding88
... [
2005-01-26 17:54:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Sincerity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 26th January 2005 @ 06:00:38 PM AEST
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a Message)
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How to critique this without offering life advice. hm.. Well "My entire life is a lie." is something a lot of unhappy people say - but what does it really *mean,* since you obviously exist and breathe? Try taking that apart and see what you come up with - it's not entirely a cliche' but it is said often enough that it could be one.
The rest is heartfelt and I really don't want to take it apart any more than that. At least not right now. Blessings. J. |
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Re: Sincerity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 19th March 2005 @ 11:53:36 PM AEST
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| i loved this piece. maybe its the fact that you have talent and you expressed it. or this was written brilliantly. or i could relate to the concept. or the truth, all of the above. this deserved more comments than just timebots and mine. |
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Re: Sincerity
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Thursday, 16th June 2005 @ 03:05:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This was an excellent poem Marc! The lines: "They’ll see me one day,
And that day I fear,
For my true colours will appear" and.. well actually I love the whole last stanza! Its amazing, you did a great thing with words in this piece.
The only criticism I can offer would be to play with the structure, maybe if you changed it up a bit and made a pattern it would give the poem for meaning and an exciting look.
Awesome write!
--amanda-- |
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Re: Sincerity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 07:39:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Another great poem.
Paper can be a great friend at times, taking in what friends sometimes cannot.
Take care.
David |
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