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The Ocean
Contributed by
EternalNight4x
on
Thursday, 27th January 2005 @ 04:24:38 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
What happened to her dreams
Of life out by the sea
Enthralled by the majestic ocean
And all its mysteries
Whatever happened to that girl
That missed the ocean every day
And hoped for a life
In which it would remain
A girl who wished and longed for more
Then her life could provide
To move out to the west
By the ocean to reside
What became of that girl
With her undying love for the sea
The darkness holds her captive
And will not set her free
Her joy of the ocean
And love of its mystery
Have been replaced with thoughts of hell
And eternal suffering
Before she thought of dolphins
And tales of beautiful mermaids
Now theyre replaced by demons
And a fallen angels fate
Instead of missing the beauty
Of the oceans gleaming water
Its night she misses most
She has become the darkness daughter
Its hard to believe
That at one point in her life
Being far away from the sea
Is what had caused her strife
That has now changed
She is no longer oblivious to the truth
She knows of crime and murder
And death is understood
Learning that theres more to life
Then the ocean could provide
She hide within her shell
Into darkness she does hide
Yet when shes near the water
She crawls out of her shell
And if only for awhile
Believes that all is well
Her love for the sea
Consumed most of her past
And if only for awhile
It makes the memories last
Copyright ©
EternalNight4x
... [
2005-01-27 16:24:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Ocean
(User Rating: 1 )
by tiggytom on
Thursday, 27th January 2005 @ 04:29:12 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| very well done, i liked it |
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Re: The Ocean
(User Rating: 1 )
by cocacola1331 on
Sunday, 6th February 2005 @ 09:35:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I liked the first half, but the second half, starting from...:
Instead of missing the beauty
Of the oceans gleaming water
It’s night she misses most
She has become the darkness daughter
just didn't seem to flow as nicely. It seemed kind of choppy. Also, I've noticed that you use the word 'strife' a lot. Maybe you should try looking into other words.
But I think you did a nice job with this poem, just some lyrical issues to it. |
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Re: The Ocean
(User Rating: 1 )
by forgotten_poet on
Saturday, 25th August 2007 @ 02:42:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| good job on the poem. it was great |
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