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Something In Me Cries To You
Contributed by
liquidsunshine
on
Monday, 31st January 2005 @ 07:14:51 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
*
Something in me cries to you
My demons stirring in the dark
My fears inside me shaking my insides
My stomach churning til its a lump in my throat
When I'm with you, you caress me
You can calm me, quash my fears
But I'm shaking when I'm lonesome
Trembling, sweating, shedding tears
Something in me cries to you
And you answer though it's late at night
Arms around me, kisses cascading
Something in me cries to you
This time grateful, full of hugging
Soon we're kissing
Soon we're loving
All I know is I love you
At this moment I could be naked
The most vulnerable, unstable thing
Yet I'm safe and I'm protected
Feeling calm and breathing slow
Something in me cries to you
In a moaning, humming style
Slow French kisses, hold you tighter
All but us has gone away
Or perhaps we've vanished, drunken in love
And still something
Something in me
Cries to you
Copyright ©
liquidsunshine
... [
2005-01-31 07:14:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Something In Me Cries To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Monday, 31st January 2005 @ 09:18:11 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Wow Chels this was really something, it's sad at first then it becomes sweet at the end.
It's a good combination and it works pretty nicely.
I like the way it ended i can relate to this write so well.
Jane x |
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Re: Something In Me Cries To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by eatfresh22 on
Thursday, 3rd February 2005 @ 08:51:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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So, I guess that your love life is going well. That's good that there's someone in your life who you are sure of and can rely on. I'm happy for you. Poem is lovely...like a woman in love.
~Carrie~ |
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Re: Something In Me Cries To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Petznick on
Monday, 14th February 2005 @ 12:29:56 AM AEST
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wow this is really good, one of the best i've read here for sure. all about that person who's arms you melt into
LATES
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Re: Something In Me Cries To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 10:56:38 PM AEST
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i didnt think any of this was religious at all, but then im not a religious person. in the beginning where you started the lines with, "my...." that seems a bit like a list, and i dont particularly care to read lists in poetry. also the same with "soon..." i think that the phrase, that is also the title, was repeated too often. this isnt really the type of poem i care to read, simply because of the topic, but i did like how this was full of human nature for its content. the one thing i notice is constant is the professionalism you do use, and thats important to me. i really wish you would use some punctuation though, because i think that really would enhance your rhythms at least. i think your poem expressed what your desciption said this person did, but i think that adding some backgrounds to the piece would help. such as squash your fears of what? at the end, i dont think it was a good use to use the beginning as the end, because you repeated the phrase throughout the piece, so it wasnt as if you were holding the piece together or making the same powerful statement; it was just another repetition. i think adding to the phrase at the end would help solve this problem, to make it stand out more. this part i liked the best,
"Yet I'm safe and I'm protected
Feeling calm and breathing slow" because it just stood out to me from being a bit different than your other lines.
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