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Falling
Contributed by
jthzero
on
Monday, 31st January 2005 @ 07:08:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Finally I come before the abyss
Always I have been coming to this
Lieing to myself only bought time
Learning what they taught me brought me closer this all knowing rhyme
In the end I gave all my power to save them
Never caring it would condemn
Gone am I for them all, down the eternal abyss's walls
Copyright ©
jthzero
... [
2005-01-31 19:08:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Falling
(User Rating: 1 )
by Taurusgem1 on
Monday, 31st January 2005 @ 07:24:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Keep in mind it is not the length that matters. It is the content. Also you have a good skeleton but maybe you should think of defining your poetry. Piant a picture that we can see. descrbe what the abyss looks like and how that reflects on your subject in the poem. I am not and expert but I can certainly tell you have talent that can be developed into something wonderful. |
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Re: Falling
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 31st January 2005 @ 07:41:43 PM AEST
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Very powerfull.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Falling
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 31st January 2005 @ 09:34:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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a short but effective piece maybe add a series to it or something this seems like it can go into another piece very well done I like it
Michelle |
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