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Haunted
Contributed by
acid_lucidity
on
Tuesday, 1st February 2005 @ 04:40:51 PM in AEST
Topic:
psychoticpoems
|
He reloads then shoots away.
Remember the summer spent in the crosshairs of a madman,
What's wrong with the summer?
And whats wrong with the winter with a shadow in tow.
He trys to run past his own scornful reflection,
Smashing mirrors by the dozen.
There's no point in lying to death,
When death is inside.
Everytime you see your own image you focus on the gun.
Blood and bullets spilled on the carpets and walls,
A storm indoors and impure.
Scattered on the floor a dead and wasted dysfunctional family,
Rain drop ripples in a raging sea.
Broken, left behind, wraithlike, long overdue the devil.
He stalks into the shadows like a wounded animal after battle,
Lick up the blood.
They will read the stained walls like a horror story,
Then times up.
Time to leave this place to hunt and kill again.
He chants prayers to his gods with hatred and malice,
"Spare the sinner".
Amen and red stained lips in the moonlight painted trees,
Drift away into sleep.
Absence of conscience is not absence of soul.
The prison of the body cannot compare.
It cannot compare to revenge of the mind,
Their faces haunt.
They laugh.
Just cry and cry.
Copyright ©
acid_lucidity
... [
2005-02-01 16:40:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Haunted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Taurusgem1 on
Tuesday, 1st February 2005 @ 04:55:15 PM AEST
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With this I had mixed feelings.
Loved the strong forceful punch of the words. I also loved the dark essence however I am not sure It is clear as to whom this is about. How were you inspired. I also write dark and of things I have yet to experience but since I do not know what exactly was your influence it was hard for me to connect. I must say that regardless it is an excellent write. |
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Re: Haunted
(User Rating: 1 )
by noone on
Tuesday, 1st February 2005 @ 05:10:43 PM AEST
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This is really good, quite graphic. Dark feelings are percieved through your clever use of words, well done, keep writing,
Kirsty xx |
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Re: Haunted
(User Rating: 1 )
by Katiebird on
Tuesday, 1st February 2005 @ 05:19:11 PM AEST
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| Extremely strong images... interesting poem. |
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Re: Haunted
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Tuesday, 1st February 2005 @ 05:25:03 PM AEST
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Great job on this poem. This is very well written, and when I say "well written" I mean that you use your words intelligently. One of the things I noticed was that this is a very descritptive poem, which really helped the poem feel alive, like it was moving, pulsating, and breathing. I like poetry like that. Also you had some great lines.
What's wrong with the summer?
And whats wrong with the winter with a shadow in tow.
For some reason that struck me because it was very subtle, yet very poetic. Maybe it's just me, but I thought it was great.
Everytime you see your own image you focus on the gun.
See that's what I mean, when I said that your poem is very descriptive. Some people might think this line is not that important, but it really carries a strong feeling of self hatred, pain, and suffering.
Scattered on the floor a dead and wasted dysfunctional family,
LOL....this cracked me up.....in a funny, sarcastic, but morbid way. Maybe it wasn't intended to be funny.
Amen and red stained lips in the moonlight painted trees,
Drift away into sleep.
Absence of conscience is not absence of soul.
This might be my favorite line......"moonlight painted trees"-----such a great image!-----and the last line is profound.
I don't know if this poem is about you, in an abstract/metaphorical sense, but just remember what you said in that last line. "Absence of conscience is not absence of soul" That's very wise. With that perspective, it will allow you to see the humanity, that which unifies everyone in the human spirit, in the worst of all creatures, even if that hate is within yourself.
I look forward to reading more of your work. Very deep and profound.
Be True,
zenmind |
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Re: Haunted
(User Rating: 1 )
by hellsfallenangel on
Tuesday, 1st February 2005 @ 06:43:57 PM AEST
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i like it, its very good sorry i cant say no more but i busy bye
DEMON |
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