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Pride on the line
Contributed by
sean88
on
Saturday, 5th February 2005 @ 01:30:13 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Gallant attempt
Upon ones steed,
Pride on the line
Easily bleed,
Spectators will watch
Win, loose and fall,
Begin, lets start
Thats what they call,
Then, if and when
You hit the ground,
The cheering stops
A change of sound,
Boos and jeers
Engulf your ears,
No friend in sight
To dry your tears,
They stayed for glory
But now its past,
They turn their backs
And head off fast
Copyright ©
sean88
... [
2005-02-05 13:30:13]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Pride on the line
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Saturday, 5th February 2005 @ 02:02:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This was so true. I mean, ppl are exactly like this. I've never been on a horse(i dunno if that was the steed or not...lol) but ppl are there when you're up, and disappear in an instant when you're down. I liked your short stanzas that just said so much. the only problem im seeing is possible misuse of the word 'past' in the third last line. 'passed' mite b the right word for there. lol but that's just nit-picking. Really great write, it reminded me of thing's ive written. |
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Re: Pride on the line
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Saturday, 5th February 2005 @ 03:38:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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more than a well written poem, this is an esensial
reality check, made 2 order 4 this place,
especially over in the forum section, or what i call
in 2days lingo, . . . " The Hood " . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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