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Death by Suicide
Contributed by
MimiB
on
Saturday, 5th February 2005 @ 04:50:32 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Death by suicide
That's what I was told
The day I found out
I suddenly became old
That's when I realized
There'd be no final goodbye
You were already gone
The one person I had idealized
The world became dark
In my adolescent mind
There was a pain and a loneliness
All the bad things combined
I didn't understand it
And it suddenly became clear
Nothing could bring you back
Not a smile nor a tear
Many years have passed since
And here I am, trying to cope
With the loss of my dear friend
I still look and pray for hope
That maybe it was all a dream
And that I can wake up from it
But I already know the truth
And the tears just won't quit
I still constantly think of you
While I spit these words out
But you won't be coming back
This I know without a doubt
So slowly I put my head down
But the pain only surrounds me
It's because I miss you so much
And I wonder, why can't you see?
Deano, I had loved you so much
But still you decided to leave
Deano, I continue to miss you
And until this day I grieve
Copyright ©
MimiB
... [
2005-02-05 16:50:32]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Death by Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by subchild on
Saturday, 5th February 2005 @ 05:24:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Get some real feel here and try your stanza alot better..This whole piece is a mess.. |
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Re: Death by Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 5th February 2005 @ 05:40:52 PM AEST
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| I liked this write. I enjoyed the flow. Nice work. I look forward to reading more from you. |
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Re: Death by Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Sunday, 6th February 2005 @ 12:26:49 PM AEST
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how sad, that was such a tragic thing for you to deal with, I am sorry for the loss of your friend. hope it helped you to write about it,
pix xx |
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Re: Death by Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 08:19:54 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Subchild's backbiting does her reputation, commentary and this poem no justice. I think it has merit, and as far as I can tell, has no spelling errors or truly atrocious grammatical erros.
I think it is a fine first submission.
Welcome to YPDC. |
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Re: Death by Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by thecutter on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 08:33:49 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| nice work, really emotional, a poem to remember. made me think twice before reaching for the blade again |
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