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Suffering to Survive
Contributed by
desperatesoul
on
Saturday, 12th February 2005 @ 06:05:45 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
Struggling 2 Survive
by: Dana Lynn
jan,16,2005
Suffering,
I sit in
Silent
Solitude,
Surveying
the
Sea of
Sadness
that surges
within my
Shattered,
Spiritless,
Slaughterhouse,
Staring
Solemnly
into,
Superficial
Sobriety,
Surrendering,
to
Simplicity
only to
Struggle
once more
with the
Scarcity
of
Supportive
Solidity's
Scrutinizing
over
endless
Scenes
of
Spite filled
Suspicions
Suggestions
of
Surreal
Similarity's
in my
Strategies
of
Self- analagies
Sub- Zero
Salivating
and
Stressing
Scheduled
Shadowing,
Staging,
Super sonic
Soul Stealing
Slipping
stealthly
Stopping,
Shaking,
Sweating,
Shoving,
Severly
Shameful,
Secrets,
deeper within..
Starving,
Spitting,
Succumbing,
to
Satanic,
Spinetingling,
Soul Scraping,
and
Seizing
the
Supreme
System Shutdown
to
Souless
Sovereignity..................................
by: $av $auci <906) SS_BYRD S.W.P. 14/*88*
Copyright ©
desperatesoul
... [
2005-02-12 06:05:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Suffering to Survive
(User Rating: 1 )
by Taurusgem1 on
Saturday, 12th February 2005 @ 06:18:57 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| You have the enormous talent to realy write. IT seems that this poem was dedicated to the tortured words of the letter "S"... I know it might sound lame but with your talent try to write about something real and instead of using only words that describe emotion use words that describe everything. Paint a picture. Like when you speak of suffering in silent solitude, you should then describe what it is like in the silence. Like "Suffering I sit ,silent solitude, wondering why silnece has become the entertainment of my ears. I survey the sea of sadness. many creatures of the deep, blue angelic waters, frowning...... See you don't have to take my advise but with what i wrote it is more visual. think about it. you are too good not to go futher in your description. |
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