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In the Forest
Contributed by
greenthumb
on
Monday, 21st February 2005 @ 10:33:43 PM in AEST
Topic:
NaturePoetry
|
Forest, dear forest, with my mind you play a game
Your trees, they shine so brilliantly, yet no two are the same
I walk in you, just walk along, until I reach one spot
The ice, it shines much brighter here, and here there lies one cot
I've seen the man that sleeps just here, I've seen him sleep alone
He's seen me too, and spoke to me, yet in an angry tone
Past this spot are hills of trees, three of them, in fact
And in the valley of the third, there is but one good shack
Inside I've seen so many things, Including one green bird
It poked it's head out of a hole, and claimed I was absurd
To the west are cliffs and mountains, while the east holds icy planes
Traveling north would lead me on, and make me feel insane
So I turn around and see one thing as it quickly just dashes away
From out of a bush it pops and says, "How was your trip, this day?"
Copyright ©
greenthumb
... [
2005-02-21 22:33:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: In the Forest
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baig on
Monday, 21st February 2005 @ 11:05:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Hmm I think you need to find a more central focus. It seems to me that you're going back in forth from describing the forust to describing the man.
Describing the forest is ok, but say you were focusing on the man, than the poem would be concentrating 80% on the man, and 20% on his surroundings perhaps or vice versa (if u were focusin in on the actual forest itself). |
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Re: In the Forest
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 08:24:39 AM AEST
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Well I like it jus fine as is.
Guess ya jus gotta live in the forrest to understand or maybe in the valley. Smile.
luv, huggs, smiles,
emy |
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