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Drip-Drop
Contributed by
poetryforthesoul
on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 11:06:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Drip-drop goes the water
drip-drop goes the tears
drip-drop goes the blood
crimson read against her skin
lips are blue as the sky
why must she die tonight?
how can a girl so young and lost
think of suicide as the answer
drip-drop goes the water
drip-drop there goes my mother
drip-drop there goes another
Drip-drop so many blood today
Drip-drop the tears fall from the sky
just like a waterfall
Drip-Drop so many tears
Drip-drop their goes the saddness
drip-drop she floats to the top
drip-drop shes to pale
drip-drop she's not gonna make it
drip-drop shes dead
drip-drop
oh so many blood today
but still i wonder why she wanted to die?
Copyright ©
poetryforthesoul
... [
2005-02-25 23:06:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Drip-Drop
(User Rating: 1 )
by poet_of_anger on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 11:18:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Good emotion, watch for typos though they take away from the excitement. Still well done. |
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Re: Drip-Drop
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Saturday, 26th February 2005 @ 01:37:58 AM AEST
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I thought this was a great poem. I think you can improve though, try working on your structure. Great job though, I liked it. Creative.
--amanda-- |
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Re: Drip-Drop
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 4th March 2005 @ 03:55:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
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What those other two are trying to say is that they think you should swap all your 'drip-drops' for some words that can be used as alliteration in resonance as water drops. Phonetic sounds such as 'pl' (place, plead, plane) and 'tr' (trace, tries, trance) amongst others might make this work - I don't know for sure, as I'm just skimming ideas here. Try it out again sometime. Hope this helps.
Keep writing. |
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