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Sharing You
Contributed by
Crimsonflame
on
Wednesday, 2nd March 2005 @ 04:18:10 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Cracked ground and yellowish grass,
Fluttering brown leaves dance lazily to the ground,
I stand among the smothering dust,
Gazing at the lost paradise I found.
Is this where you belong?
Where your heart was born?
Is this where you first sang a love song?
Right here where Nature mourn.
Did you actually realise,
When the cancer cause you to slowly die,
These lands too began its demise?
The falling leaves are tears that cry,
Weeping for a man I love,
Who had left me to the land above.
Honestly,I had always felt insecure,
Of this land where you had memories and sweet moments,
Now what I feel is sweet and pure,
We share a loss that no one can mend,
I used to share you with this land,
But now this land share with me nothing but pain.
I kneel before the solitary apple tree,
Right where you told me where it would be,
Beneath my finger,wrinkled skin met my touch,
Whispering words came with the wind that blew,
We said goodbye to you,
Who loved us both very much.
Copyright ©
Crimsonflame
... [
2005-03-02 04:18:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Sharing You
(User Rating: 1 )
by iodinelove on
Wednesday, 2nd March 2005 @ 06:17:31 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
it's not bad....you'll get better ^_^
just keep writing....oh and if ya didn't know(you should though)....with poetry theres no need to rhyme....it's popular at this site and just the ideal....but well my advice is grab a copy of The Outlaw Bible Of American Poetry and see how the masters do it...anywhere from 2-pac(he rhymed) to walt whitman(sometimes) to dh levy (who is crazy) and patti smith (she's damn good!!)
always, abraham |
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Re: Sharing You
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Wednesday, 2nd March 2005 @ 08:25:14 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Your of to a pretty good start, it needs a little cleaning up but your getting there.
Keep writing Crimson, you'll get better soon.
Jane @)->--- |
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Re: Sharing You
(User Rating: 1 )
by rockstarr12747 on
Wednesday, 2nd March 2005 @ 11:29:45 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
hey I m an amatuer to and i think your on the right track keep your writing comin and you'll get better
CRYSTAL |
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Re: Sharing You
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Wednesday, 2nd March 2005 @ 11:48:59 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
very good, I really liked this, that was very good considering you are an amatuer, look forward to seeing more from you
takecare
pix xx |
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Re: Sharing You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Keeraku on
Sunday, 6th March 2005 @ 02:10:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Omg.. I love it. n_n Very good for an amature. -claps- Very very good. n_n I enjoyed reading it. |
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Re: Sharing You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Wednesday, 9th November 2005 @ 07:10:09 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This one didn't flow so much, it kind of sounded... uneven, but I love your choice of words! You have a knack for putting words where they should go. It's beautiful.
Take care.
David |
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