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Confused, Sea Of Sorrow
Contributed by
Troubadour
on
Friday, 4th March 2005 @ 02:43:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
in this sea of sorrow. such a confused tomorrow. i lie half awake. floating awkwardly. suspended only by me. and underneath me. water so deep. as to be unfathomable. a depth unthinkable.
and i. dont know where i am. all i do know. is what i see. is i float on this dream. wisps of clouds above me. sun shing down on me. comfortable at first. then tanning to burn.
my vision sees blurrily. dried tears caught in my eyes. already cried fears. upon my sun baked cheeks. for how long. i have been. Drifting away from it all. i do not know. if even i would want to.
and yet it. seems to me. like an awful eternity. since last i tasted. the fresh fair air. so sweet. etched into my mind. since last i felt the touch. of such a cool breeze. upon my privelaged skin. oh how sweet was my life.
which i know regretfully leave, for voices unheard . are calling me.
Copyright ©
Troubadour
... [
2005-03-04 14:43:35] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Confused, Sea Of Sorrow
(User Rating: 1 ) by nabokovfan87 on
Friday, 4th March 2005 @ 06:38:41 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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the plot seems dull. also a few of the lines could be joined and made stronger. i think there is a type in the second stanza middle where is should be as. um work on it though is an interesting thought but just needs work... |
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