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Graffiti dreams
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 11:57:53 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I had come,
Called by nothing in hollow alleyways,
A town's heart beating, rotting, dead.
The smell so strong it assaulted my senses,
Revealing musty, damp and shadowed doors,
Opening the way for secrets
And confusion,
Of people with nothing but deceased imagination.
And I found myself walking,
Down the same old dusty streets,
With the familiar smashed street lights,
And overturned trashcans;
Already furnished homes for an army of rats,
An all-you-can-eat buffet of their own,
Just around the corner,
At the place you used to eat, yourself.
And then the highstreet, there once again,
The board with the same old job advertisments
(Three months out of date)
And flyers for the fair,
Reminders of yesterdays been and gone,
Lost in a swirl of exhaust fumes.
And goodbyes on bitter faces.
(Left over from when silence was deafened by humanity)
[And the graffiti dreams which paint the town,
Call to me,
Screaming my name through empty words
that 'were ere 1999'
and shall never be here again...]
And with my ketchup smile and cloudy eyes,
I'll carry on...
...because I am home.
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2005-03-14 11:57:53]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 12:48:55 PM AEST
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OH MY!!!!
Phil this is diffrent for you, good diffrent.
It seems sort of sad and so deep, worn without hope.
I love the way you portrayed this. Its amazing how with each write you seem to grow....Awsome job!!!! |
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by faith_my_eyes on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 01:08:00 PM AEST
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| woah! Imagery overload here. You definately described quite the slum... and left me depressed. wow. |
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 01:15:51 PM AEST
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It struck me as very powerful, with excellant use of imagery. Very descriptive. I get the picture of a dying town full of yesterdays, and very bleak today, and perhaps becoming a ghost town in the tomorrow's. Also, an emotional write, I get a lonely feeling when I read the poem. If not a ghost town, a stagnant one.
Of course this could also be a very cleaverly written metaphor ..... I'm not sure
I think the poem is fantastic!
Willofree |
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 01:40:58 PM AEST
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Know what, Philly? --- I like this more and more each time I look at it. Now... when you showed it to me before you posted it, I remember saying "I LOVE it!!!!!" etc etc etc --- so.......... you must realize that now (when I can sit quietly and pause a bit to re-read... letting my mind journey along with it)... that I am very seriously impressed by this. It is so different for you... but I do really, really like that you presented it this way. It just seems so terribly appropriate that you did.
Your voice just keeps getting stronger... braver... and incredibly more potent. Wow... yeh.
Well, well done Philly!
(and btw --- I am so thrilled to know the after effect that you experienced with this one... that's just the best, isn't it?)
*ends with a rowdy round of applause*
*huggles*
~SNM~ |
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 01:46:04 PM AEST
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I love it when you step outside your box ... your norm ... and become accosted with words and ideas that you cannot help but succumb too. You write them down ... sometimes rearranging them and then look back upon it and say "I wrote that ?" Apprehension builds as you wonder, will others understand ... will it be accecpted ... is it any good ? Phil, you did fabulous and while I may not see what you did as you wrote my mind filled with fantastic images ... I love it ... well written ... expiriment summore !!!!!
Nazzy ~
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 03:05:43 PM AEST
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woa girl you v
can really write.
I like this piece alot even though its different from what you normally write.again awsome job. |
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by Red_October on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 03:25:37 PM AEST
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| This place feels rotten but the words mean much more. Awesome place to visit...I enjoyed your poem on the edge of my seat. Tiffany J. |
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 03:32:14 PM AEST
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This is an absolutely awesome piece of poetry you have written, Phil.
Descriptive, emotional, powerful and the imagery used paints a perfect picture in the readers mind.
Different from your other writes, but hey girl I love it. A true masterpiece. Keep it up Phil.
Hugs,
Sue |
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 04:47:45 PM AEST
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Aye, it is different, but it's very, very good. One of the more vivid poems I have read in a while. Sad and bitter, but I know cities like this. It captures the feeling. Excellent.
Andrew
(hoping for greener pastures for this author) |
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 08:16:59 PM AEST
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Phill, I would'nt dare call you a female
Edgar Allen Poe, but what other
choice do i have, and even he,
couldn't have written a masterpeice
of simplicity and effectiveness that
even come close 2 this work of art . . .
Dorian Chambers
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by Necromant on
Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 03:12:35 AM AEST
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Amazing poem. The description is so vivid and it can hold so much meanings behind it! This is a brilliant poem! I feel so silly after reading all those long comments... I'm just not very good at long comments... I loved the poem what else can I say? :p
Anne :) |
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 06:25:02 AM AEST
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Oh Phil this was just amazing I agree with Emily, you just gave me an imagery overload. What a stunning write, you seemed to be topping each poem of your everytime you submit a new one (which is great by the way).
This was really something and I’m glad I got to read this fine work.
Hugs,
Jane
(Who’s gonna leave a simple comment for once)
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rxqueen on
Sunday, 20th March 2005 @ 07:04:56 PM AEST
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| That was beyond words. The imagerey was amazing. You took me there and kept me there till the end. Reminds me of Philly. I loved your use of words and your vivid descriptions. Great job! |
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 01:23:18 AM AEST
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| Well written..it is captivating..I read this twice as it reminded me of a certain dream where In I flew over a city of vampires..lol..I agree with comments of Jecks...God bless, keep writing on.: venkat |
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Re: Graffiti dreams
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnlovedChild on
Thursday, 24th March 2005 @ 06:13:14 AM AEST
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| This is a great write. Amazing til the very end which was strong. Great job! |
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