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the light in the hall
Contributed by
thousandfold
on
Tuesday, 17th December 2002 @ 12:00:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Lying in the darkness of a room
Knees drawn to chest trying to hide
pressed up to the wall like a child to her mother,
my skin aches from emptiness cold caress.
From the crack under the shut door
i see a light go on in the hall;
And i close my eyes against the glow,
pretending not to notice
Because i know:
It does not shine
For
me.
Copyright ©
thousandfold
... [
2002-12-17 12:00:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: the light in the hall
(User Rating: 1 )
by OreO on
Tuesday, 17th December 2002 @ 12:23:16 PM AEST
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This is so sad....and beautifully written...Keep em' coming and welcome to YPDC......
.:*~*:.OreO.:*~*:. |
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Re: the light in the hall
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Tuesday, 17th December 2002 @ 01:12:17 PM AEST
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| I like the style you used to write this poem. My only criticism, and perhaps you might have given this some thought, is the last line. With the diminishing line structure, perhaps it might have fit in a bit better if you'd appended the word "me" to the end of the line before it to make a two word line, polishing off what, otherwise, can be called a very good poem. I'm glad I read this one, and hope to read some more. |
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Re: the light in the hall
(User Rating: 1 )
by wyrd_faerie on
Tuesday, 17th December 2002 @ 04:26:04 PM AEST
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| i think it's perfect... |
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Re: the light in the hall
(User Rating: 1 )
by orgygirl on
Wednesday, 18th December 2002 @ 10:22:29 PM AEST
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| Aww.. I feel for you. |
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Re: the light in the hall
(User Rating: 1 )
by LadyDama on
Sunday, 16th February 2003 @ 04:55:36 AM AEST
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| beautiful sadness... |
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Re: the light in the hall
(User Rating: 1 )
by riverofwords on
Sunday, 16th February 2003 @ 05:12:27 AM AEST
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a Message)
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a strong evocative write
of hope high the hope gone ..and the aloneness .loved it
peace be your journey
Terry
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