|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Burgundy Velvet
Contributed by
Red_October
on
Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 01:12:21 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
glistening sweaty & raw
nothing but able to talk small
and we are their secret condemnations
that anyone would die to be
but if we were our decisions
or if we embodied our deceptions
it would be much harder to breathe
and after the loss of air
i learn to be a temporary arrangement
i learn sacrifice, vulnerable, and patience
whittled away to a black spot on the sun
so many miles away
but not far enough to run
uncertainty is the only thing i'm certain of
the shape of love becomes
jagged and isn't burgundy velvet like
i once thought it was
Copyright ©
Red_October
... [
2005-03-15 13:12:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Burgundy Velvet
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 02:09:35 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow!! You've got some excellent lines in here!
This is deep and sad, yet I sense a determined resolution somewhere under the surface. I hope it leads you in the right direction! |
|
|
Re: Burgundy Velvet
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 03:57:09 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Even if there's need for development in your eyes, know that you've already covered a wide array of words and emotions here. I really liked the ending, and the sense of deception throughout the entire poem. This was really good so far, hope to see the development you speak of on this piece! Great stuff |
|
|
Re: Burgundy Velvet
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 11:11:26 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Is it just me, I wonder? It's like hearing the melody of a familiar song, but not being able to place it. This just comes at me like an echo... an echo of something I can't be sure I said. In other words, I find something relatable here... but can't be sure that I'm reading it as you intended it. Personally, I adore that... I'd rather that.
Intriguing, thought provoking and... enough as it is, if you ask me. Well done!
~SNM~ |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
