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i ride uptown only to look
Contributed by
electrique_poet
on
Thursday, 17th March 2005 @ 07:07:36 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
i ride uptown only to look
down;
i stop to smell frail roses and
get dragged away
(i see the store)
i waited half an hour,
but got a good parking space;
(walk inside
down the isles
life costs a fortune anymore;
where is yesterday?
(isle 9)
and my sorrows?
(isle 3)
i walk the years past tears and fears and
checkout
(thatll be an arm and a leg sir)
its a small price to pay for
another day (i suppose)
Copyright ©
electrique_poet
... [
2005-03-17 19:07:36]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: i ride uptown only to look
(User Rating: 1 )
by allymp on
Friday, 18th March 2005 @ 12:09:57 AM AEST
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Re: i ride uptown only to look
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Friday, 25th March 2005 @ 06:46:01 PM AEST
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I love this poem....it seems to capture the "everydayness" of life, similar to William Carlos Williams....but still in a style that is similar to ee *****s.....(Which, by the way, continues to impress me in every poem I read of yours)
The first thing that caught my eye, was the first sentence.
i ride uptown only to look
down;
I thought it was very creative to place the word "down" a space below, because it ended up contrasting the "uptown" in a very subtle, yet noticable way (I thought)
where is yesterday?
(isle 9)
and my sorrows?
(isle 3)
lol....funny.....
And the rest of the poem, captures the "everyday" feeling, which still, even though it is everyday, deserves to be written about, because it encompasses our lives. Our lives are "everyday" and the reason why we write is to write about our lives, and so it makes sense that this "everyday" feeling should be expressed, but underneath the "everydayness" you find the very fabric of what life is, and that becomes very deep. I think I'll try to write more poetry like that.
Be True,
zenmind
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