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Memories of a dark summers day
Contributed by
suaimhneas
on
Sunday, 20th March 2005 @ 02:35:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Writhing with pain,
A piece of my heart
Fizzled
And died with you
The day you left me.
Crouched down on that cold bathroom floor,
You slipped from me.
Clinical, like the doctor
Who flushed the remains out of me
After you'd gone.
Cramps and convulsions shook through me,
Each one marking your leaving.
Sweat dripping, mind racing,
Stomach heaving, heart breaking.
Praying you'd stay.
Wishing someone would save you;
Save us.
But no-one came.
He found us there much later;
A bloody mess.
We never spoke of it again.
I wonder
If he thinks of you still.
Didn't carry you, as I did;
Didn't feel you slip away inside of him.
No trace left of you now.
Just a scar on my memory,
As you tug on my heartstrings
Like you tore away from me that day,
Leaving me empty and alone.
(Ich denke oft an dich, Kleine...).
Copyright ©
suaimhneas
... [
2005-03-20 14:35:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Memories of a dark summers day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Sunday, 20th March 2005 @ 05:44:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i liked the originality of this piece best. especially the last line. the concept of this poem has been done so many times, thats its nice to see that people can make the concept their own still. this was very nice, "Just a scar on my memory" |
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Re: Memories of a dark summers day
(User Rating: 1 )
by suaimhneas on
Sunday, 20th March 2005 @ 05:48:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| thank you very much.. this is the first time ive posted.. so im really grateful for your comments. |
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Re: Memories of a dark summers day
(User Rating: 1 )
by SinginSilence on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 02:16:03 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Yeah I've seen this concept so many times I'm sick of it really, but you did a nice job with it. Also, i would like to formally thank you for some endline punctuation, goodness i saw so many poems on here today that would have otherwise read like giant run on sentences. I can tell you do care about your work. My favorite part: "Clinical, like the doctor/
Who flushed the remains out of me/
After you'd gone." I can't say why exactly, i just like the way it read for some reason. |
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