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For but a moment...
Contributed by
Angelgirlprincess
on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 04:24:26 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
....For but a moment
time stood still
All I could see was you
The world had disappeared
I am lost in your eyes
Emotions I've never felt
begin erupting inside
For but a moment...
....For but a moment
as time stood still
Two souls are searching
Dreaming, straining, yearning
As one to be
Looking for a sign
A reason for destinies design
For but a moment....
For but a moment
as time stood still
And I start to wonder
Why life could be this way
I can finally see
The true meaning of
"We were meant to be"
For but a moment....
Eventually in that moment, I've learned
What a lifetime failed to teach
I cant help but see
Nothing is real
Sometimes its all just a dream
The moment which transends reality is gone
And in its place
Helpless love is lost
For but a moment....
Copyright ©
Angelgirlprincess
... [
2005-03-21 16:24:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: For but a moment...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 05:10:13 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This has strength, and is paced well within its length which I find acceptable (not that this is any kind of criterion of quality). You can rhyme, and do it intelligently in the right places, too. I think this is good.
However, in this piece, I'd lose the repetitions of 'for but a moment' throughout each stanza, saving them only for the intro on the first, and the outro on the last, as I think that repetitions or chorusses are best left in song writing, in my opinion.
Anyway - concise expression. Welcome to YPDC and keep commenting! |
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Re: For but a moment...
(User Rating: 1 )
by europeanprincess on
Tuesday, 31st January 2006 @ 04:38:31 PM AEST
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| It was good. I think it actually provided a small touch of what you are feeling. We may not know you, but it is good to know of you. It seems as though you are a loving person and want to be and feel love. As do all. Keep writing. I |
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