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Anger
Contributed by
Les4567
on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 07:03:02 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
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Consuming your every nerve It ropes you in Your heart beats Faster...Faster Your palms become sweaty Your eyes glow red All the blood and frustration Rushing to your head You want to yell and scream But are unable To even speak Your delicate behavior Turns vicious Its grasp is tight Trying to calm down With all your might With clenched fists You grind your teeth The anger has shot you Hunted you down Now having taken its toll This feeling has total control
Copyright ©
Les4567
... [
2005-03-21 19:03:02] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Anger
(User Rating: 1 ) by TUNE on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 07:25:13 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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keep writing ya poems up in this website u know how to write and i liked this it was nice ~1~ Tun3 |
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Re: Anger
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 07:31:35 PM AEST (User
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Hmn. I'm not sure about the rhymes, as they're half in, half out of the structure, and sort of sit in limbo, for me. However, it does have some nice themes regarding mindless rage - the hunting and the shooting, I can relate to, as well as the clenching fists and grinding teeth. Those are necessary inclusions for any effective description of manic fury.
Perhaps if it didn't rhyme so sporadically, the rhythm wouldn't distract me from absorbing the meaning of your words. As for the ending, i'd write it as;
"Now you have paid its toll,
and you are lost within its mist"
Just a suggestion.
Keep writing and commenting, Leslie. |
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Re: Anger
(User Rating: 1 ) by Essentially9 on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 11:00:17 PM AEST (User
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since i am angry all of the time, this one really spoke to me. maybe for the ending you could have. and you are no more, or your reason is no more. something like that. but anyway. this was lovely, made me angry just reading it. i loved the tone especially. |
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Re: Anger
(User Rating: 1 ) by SeptChill on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 11:07:11 PM AEST (User
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With Clench fists
You grind your teeth....
Hmmmm.....
Let no man or woman cross your path
Less you release the beast within
For it' has taken control
Consuming your soul
Kind of dark :) I liked the poem |
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Re: Anger
(User Rating: 1 ) by DorianChambers on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 12:35:49 AM AEST (User
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THE ANGER HAS FOUND YOU
AND TAKING YOU DOWN, NOW
THE REEPER IS LAUGHING AS
YOU ROT, IN THE GROUND . . .
DORIAN CHAMBERS |
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