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eclipse
Contributed by
fallensilence
on
Wednesday, 18th December 2002 @ 09:20:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
the downward path i choose to follow
bleeds my heart until its hollow
unmistable sounds i've learned to know so well
coming from her eyes in that silent stare
nothing but the tedious choices that i've made
follow me into the depths so i can save
fall in me
falling free
this beautiful sun taunts me as it settles in the sky
taking pleasure in the pain i suffer while i die
the glimmering knife i hold sharpens the gleam in my eye
show me new life what i coul ever comprehend
tainted by your false illusions i see her giving in
absorbed in all your confusion
she believes all the solutions you give
i watch all this without putting up a fight
i watch as you eclipse her light
now that darkness treads our earth
i've learned to close my eyes to the truth
she's blocked by the power in his eyes, I watch them settle in new light
the beautiful taunts me as it settles in the sky
laughing at the pain i suffer while i die
the glimmering knife i held to my eye
showed me knew life beyond what i comprehend and
even if the day seems longer ill wait forever for it to be over
because i've finally found the strength to stand up to the moon.
Copyright ©
fallensilence
... [
2002-12-18 21:20:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: eclipse
(User Rating: 1 )
by Panther_1978 on
Wednesday, 18th December 2002 @ 09:25:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This was a great poem... I liked the way you used the words here! Excelent, good write
Panther |
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Re: eclipse
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Thursday, 19th December 2002 @ 03:03:00 AM AEST
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| Interesting poem. I think a word is missing in the final stanza, but it works well. The method you used to sort your poem is nice, in that is is large, grows smaller each stanza and then grows back to almost full size. When coupled with the word, more specifically with the last sentence, "I've finally found the strength to stand up to the moon.", the diminishing and then growing of the stanza size can be likened to the speaker character's emotions. As things get worse, the size diminishes, just as his hope might, but once the speaker realizes that there is a possibility to face up to the challenge, his hopes grow stronger and the stanza is larger. Nice job. |
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Re: eclipse
(User Rating: 1 )
by OreO on
Thursday, 19th December 2002 @ 09:24:48 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is beautiful...i enjoyed this one alot....thanks for sharing it...
.:*~*:.OreO.:*~*:. |
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