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Going Under
Contributed by
pixie
on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 11:34:13 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I am slowly going under,
All I hear is the loud clap of devils thunder,
Then I hear his vile laughter,
I know Ill be down here forever & after.
I wave goodbye but nobody sees,
No-one witnesses me down on my knees,
I have pleaded & I have begged,
To the rest of the world I may as well be dead.
My blood curdled scream can not be heard,
From my demons my death is being spurred,
My blood & tear stained face,
Is lost down here in this evil rat race.
With nobody to bathe my weeping wounds,
I feel that death is coming to me soon,
I am suffocating in my own hell,
For not much longer can I take this putrid smell.
Of rotting flesh of the ones who didnt survive,
I know I wont get out of here alive,
My death will be witnessed by no-one, who matters,
As I fade away with my corpse lay in tatters.
Copyright ©
pixie
... [
2005-03-22 11:34:13]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 11:49:01 AM AEST
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a Message)
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*applauds*
*hugs*
This is wicked, Krissie.
I'm so glad you're writing again.
I have missed your poems.
I love this, as I seem to love all your dark ones, and this is one of my fave.
Great write hun,
Phil xxx |
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 11:55:56 AM AEST
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Wow, Pixie, this is really a graphic protrayal; but that said, it is a super write. It has great rhyme and imagery. It doesn't distress me as I view death as a transition into a better life.
I certainly hope this is not a portrayal of where you are at with yourself right now!
Great write
Willofree |
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 11:58:42 AM AEST
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A beautiful write pixie is there room for one more down there lol i'm headding the same way only the express route lol nice writting as always . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by Putteragain on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 12:07:24 PM AEST
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"kinda creeped out " but it is a great poem! the imagery is vivid, well done.
Michelle |
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sonic_phoenix on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 12:20:56 PM AEST
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wow brilliant
jen |
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 12:29:38 PM AEST
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awww Krisse..very well done!!!!!
I love the rythmn and rhyme to this, it flows very well...
and I hope this is just a write and not a reflection of how you currently feel, cause you know how many here love ya!!!! |
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 01:01:30 PM AEST
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nice work - a little eerie - great imagery - this one is a fullwrite.
thanks for writing.
mj |
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by Overstated on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 01:28:22 PM AEST
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| excellently done - lovely dark poem!! superb effort |
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 03:29:43 PM AEST
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A great poem Pix, so deep and dark. The imagery used so dark and vivid. A truly very well written piece of poetry. Well done Krissie.
Hope all is well for u.
Hugs,
Sue |
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by allforyou on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 05:39:14 PM AEST
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"With nobody to bathe my weeping wounds,
I feel that death is coming to me soon."
This is my favorite part. It really expresses your pain. You're such a nifty writer. I look forward to your next.
--Kara |
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by Les4567 on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 07:39:38 PM AEST
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"My blood & tear stained face,
Is lost down here in this evil rat race."
and
"My blood curdled scream can not be heard,
From my demons my death is being spurred"
These are my favorite parts you are very talented pix. I really liked this poem it was excellent. Thank you for sharing this amazing poem.
KEEP WRITING
~Les
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by liquidsunshine on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 08:46:44 PM AEST
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Vivid. Scary. Powerful.
The rhyming was really good, I enjoyed it a lot. It just fit, didn't stick out or anything.
Good to see your poems again.
Lots of love and peace,
chelsea |
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Re: Going Under
(User Rating: 1 )
by hrpuffnstuff on
Wednesday, 23rd March 2005 @ 05:37:48 AM AEST
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pixie (hope u r ok , havent chatted in ages and miss u. hope life in your new flat is ok)
i loved this write as i do all of your poems, esp the dark ones. the feelings eg the lonliness is so real.
love to you matey
hxxxxxxxxxx |
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