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Little China Doll
Contributed by
liquidsunshine
on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 07:27:36 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
~Before I type up this poem, I'd like to let you in on what I based this sonnet on. It is a hyperbole of my parent-driven angst. I used something called an "envelope sonnet" It has an abba cddc efgefg rhyme scheme. It resembles an Italian sonnet with a Sicilian sestet (abba abba cdecde). Without further ado... the poem!~
A little China doll, a porcelain face
Is wearing rags of dirty cherish'd cloth.
Suppressed by parents, wrongly blamed for sloth
She's taking ev'rything with humble grace.
For keeping knives in kitchen draw'rs to save
Since knife was tool in suicidal rage
She's held for murder, locked up in a cage.
As if this takes a freedom they once gave.
But, lo! A handsome stranger knows the truth
And beauty of this China maiden's soul.
He's captivated by it's radiant glow.
Determined now to free her in her youth
He fills her emptiness and makes her whole
And, with his love's great power, ends her woe.
My thoughts: It's not as sophisticated as I'd thought it would turn out (at least I'd hoped for it to turn out that way). The whole poem turned out too bright for my dark, too weak for the power I wanted it to have, too light for the weight I wanted to add and too young-sounding. But, hey, it's my first attempt. Maybe I'll get better someday. Age like wine perhaps.
Copyright ©
liquidsunshine
... [
2005-03-22 19:27:36]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Little China Doll
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Wednesday, 23rd March 2005 @ 12:55:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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What a beautiful poem like a fairy tale or
dream i enjoyed reading it nicely done . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: Little China Doll
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Wednesday, 23rd March 2005 @ 08:45:02 AM AEST
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wow that was brilliant, I think this is one of your best writes :)
pix xx |
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Re: Little China Doll
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 02:07:30 PM AEST
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| wow, i've personally been too scared to tackle something like a sonnet and im glad you really did well in this foray into the format. this read like some sort of 'happily ever after' kind of thing. sad dwellings/current lifestyle and yet there's such a brilliantly strong sense of hope at the end, you know things will be alright. you wrote with a lot of purpose here, and it definitely shows. Amazing work, well done! |
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