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Fear within
Contributed by
D-Day
on
Wednesday, 23rd March 2005 @ 09:20:40 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
It is so cold,
And dim,
This world we,
Live in.
With nowhere,
To run,
And nowhere,
To hide,
We are forced,
To face,
The fears that,
We all,
Secretly hold,
Inside.
To conquer,
These fears,
We must stand,
Strong, we
Must not give,
in to the,
temptations,
That have taken,
Us for granted,
Then let us be.
Have faith in,
Yourself,
And faith in,
Others, for
This is the,
True way to,
Take back,
Your life from the,
Fear within,
Yourself.
Copyright ©
D-Day
... [
2005-03-23 09:20:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Fear within
(User Rating: 1 )
by b_rand on
Wednesday, 23rd March 2005 @ 11:05:44 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| this is okay. you definitely wayyyy overdid it with the commas and need some longer sentences. it's kind of hard to read being all choppy like it is |
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Re: Fear within
(User Rating: 1 )
by smiley_jennyxoxo on
Wednesday, 23rd March 2005 @ 06:47:50 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I really like the message of the poem, but i think it was choppy, you should have combined some of those thoughts and it could be better. Keep working on them. |
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