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Obvious
Contributed by
enamat
on
Thursday, 24th March 2005 @ 04:36:49 AM in AEST
Topic:
secrets
|
Ive been foolish for your smile
foolish for a while, now.
Powerless thats what I am
helpless to play the game.
Not a gram of will in my bones,
you can see my strength flows,
away from me.
Sanity is leaving me,
friends keep forgiving me.
Your presence
is taking the best of me,
blurring my mind,
taking my pride.
Not a one witty remark
or a single bright spark
in this darkness that
was my brain once.
Single-handedly you empted my head
of all the reason I possessed.
Effortlessly you made me weak,
unable to speak, to see clear,
even to lie in front of your black eye.
Its not easy to mass with my mind
but you did it just fine
and Im thankful for it.
Its time to quit this game
obvious thats what I am.
Copyright ©
enamat
... [
2005-03-24 04:36:49]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Obvious
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rxqueen on
Thursday, 24th March 2005 @ 05:15:04 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
"I’ve been foolish for your smile
foolish for a while, now"
I can feel you.
This took a turn in a different direction then what I was expecting, but none the less I enjoyed reading it. Nice work. |
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Re: Obvious
(User Rating: 1 )
by b_rand on
Thursday, 24th March 2005 @ 11:52:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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this is pretty good, although a few lines need rephrasing (was my brain once)
i suggest instead of begging people to comment on your poetry you start commenting on other's. while i don't yet have the 3:1 comment ratio I've noticed the amount of commenting his risen since i started reading other people's work. why are people going to look over your work if you haven't looked over ANYBODYS? |
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Re: Obvious
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 21st May 2005 @ 10:19:08 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| You're right, it doesn't need explaining. It's done very well and I really liked reading it. |
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