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Betrayed by a Kiss
Contributed by
bobotheclown
on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 01:33:46 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Left to stand here mute
The muteness leads to silence
The silence begets problems
And these problems have no answers
They spawn only the monsters
With bloodied teeth that tear
And gore-dripping fangs that fear
Trembling as your hands flee
The tempest grows within the shadows
Lifting the precious bottle
That holds the golden fluid
Which provides your limited sanity
The blood trickles down your chest
Screaming as your face caves in
Beneath the weight of your shattered dreams
Trembling as the tears fall
Left to stand in second place
Begging not to feel
That which tears me to shreds
My hands are not sufficient
To hold the tears that fall
Nothing can staunch the pain
That blossoms deep inside
Trembling as your sanity dies
My blurred eyes cannot focus
Amidst the bottles that only steal
Corrosion stabs - so deep
And this emptiness consumes all
Living a worthless endeavour as
The blackness envelopes competely
Smiling as death steals
Copyright ©
bobotheclown
... [
2005-03-26 01:33:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mesano on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 01:54:10 AM AEST
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WOW... i dont drink as im only 14, so i cannot completely relate to this poem, but i can feel the emotion.. it goes so deep.. so wisely said.. again, wow
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kellros on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 01:56:48 AM AEST
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| nice job on the poem. |
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 02:28:44 AM AEST
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First off, the 3rd stanza was the one I liked the best. I guess I relate to
it the most. Mind you the 2nd half of the 2nd one is really good too. I hope
writing this gave you a look into what emptiness there is in drinking problems
away... it sure didn't work for me the times I tried it. Okay, I'm digressing,
apologies... this is good once again Joel... you rock.
~Waos/Kara
Good write |
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 03:26:48 AM AEST
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Sad yet a masterpeice.
rluv, huggs,
emy |
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rxqueen on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 04:26:27 AM AEST
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I know this... God how I know this. I am dealing with it right now. Drinking every night just so you don't have to deal with the promlems "And these problems have no answers". It is a never ending battle. You postpone the inevitable of facing the pain and in turn create new demons to battle. This was a powerful write Joel. I liked how it turned out too.
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 05:26:30 AM AEST
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Joel, another wonderfully written piece; you do have a way with your poetry that really does capture everyone undivided attention.
You make me feel the pain of this poem and it’s powerful. Great job as always.
Janey
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 08:04:18 AM AEST
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It seems an eternity since I have read your work Bo and I see that you are still filled with immense TALENT!
Wherever it comes from---bottle a bit up for me. I'd be sooooooooooo grateful.
Excellent poem and title.
Kie |
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 01:46:30 PM AEST
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some brilliant writing here Joel, great stuff
pix xx |
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by PeaceLovHppnes on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 10:41:11 PM AEST
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"The tempest grows within the shadows
Lifting the precious bottle
That holds the golden fluid
Which provides your limited sanity"
....I love these four lines...the whole poem is awesome but these are very serious. I understand where ur coming from...as we have all turned to alcohol to solve problems. Keep it up!
xoxo |
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 10:41:29 PM AEST
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| youve outdone yourself this time joel. this was brilliant. maybe even more so since i live in fear of it happening to the one person that is "supposed to be there for me". |
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by Soulless on
Sunday, 27th March 2005 @ 03:26:25 PM AEST
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| Your talent is so amazing im left speechless. I agree with you, I love the way your poem turned out. Every stanza is complete and perfect. |
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 27th March 2005 @ 03:54:25 PM AEST
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| one word.....wow |
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by justjonesy on
Tuesday, 5th April 2005 @ 02:11:07 AM AEST
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| "And these problems have no answers" great job...I tried to write a poem about drinking and I could only wish for it to be this good |
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Re: Betrayed by a Kiss
(User Rating: 1 )
by wyrd_faerie on
Friday, 15th April 2005 @ 05:31:38 PM AEST
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utterly, wow. i don't know what to say. your talent joel, it's incredible.
'Screaming as your face caves in
Beneath the weight of your shattered dreams'
those lines. are just so, perfect. you're wonderful. i'm speechless x |
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