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ASHES
Contributed by
p0rnstar
on
Tuesday, 29th March 2005 @ 02:20:21 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Did you want me
Was I something
Something you could never grasp
And I take you
Though its nothing
This cannot be made to last
Wish I did not
Do not
want you.
Still you linger in my mind
As if you hold an answer
That I have yet to find.
Would I die before I love you
You will never know
Cannot cry
When I am told to
Never let it show
Drain myself a little more
For you
As I drift from day to day
Lost between the shadows.
I never found my way.
Give in to the hunger
Fade to flesh and bone
Even if you had me
I would always be alone.
Copyright ©
p0rnstar
... [
2005-03-29 02:20:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: ASHES
(User Rating: 1 )
by nabokovfan87 on
Tuesday, 29th March 2005 @ 02:34:38 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| try switching rhyme scheme to an aabb format instead of an abab format. this write seemed choppy and needs to just be a smoother read if u plan on having anyone make sense of it... |
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Re: ASHES
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Tuesday, 29th March 2005 @ 02:43:37 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I have to say it depends on how you read or look at this poem.I thought it was done well.
It might need alittle work.But still very good. |
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Re: ASHES
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostrelic on
Monday, 1st August 2005 @ 02:36:48 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| a friend told me as poets we are even aloud to make up words to put our true point out dont listen to them critize thats what makes true poetry is its yours to do what you want |
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Re: ASHES
(User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on
Thursday, 6th October 2005 @ 12:31:51 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Great poem. I liked it.
darkangeleyes57 |
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