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A Dark Place
Contributed by
Rogue
on
Thursday, 31st March 2005 @ 09:26:38 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I'm in a dark place
where it's me alone and I let no one in
Where I feel most out of place
and the real terror begins
A place where my self-esteem is low
my personality is bleak
Where all my bad memories flow
and escape is what I seek
A place where I am afraid to move
afraid to love
afraid of you
afraid to be loved
afraid to breath
afraid to be in love
afraid to see
A place where all my fears come true
the very darkest ones
even the ones about you
the atmosphere is black, there is no sun
A place where no one likes me
they frown down on my actions
Where I am never filled with glee
I am scared of their reactions
When something goes wrong I flee
for the duration
A place where I'm alone
I have no family, have no home
There are no friends to run to
when the dark place begins
There is no trust amoungst the world
therefore I trust no one, to do so is ubsurd
In this place I relay on myselft
survivol of the fittest is best for my health
I'm in a dark place
A place where my self-esteem is low
A place where I am afraid to move
A place where all my fears come true
A place where no one likes me
A place where I'm alone
A place where I am afraid to be
Copyright ©
Rogue
... [
2005-03-31 09:26:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: A Dark Place
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Thursday, 31st March 2005 @ 09:28:26 AM AEST
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a Message)
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well expressed dark write, flow was perfect
pix xx |
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Re: A Dark Place
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Thursday, 31st March 2005 @ 09:38:28 AM AEST
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Firstly, this is indeed a place that I myself have been at, in times often I too feel such all encompassing loneliness. A dark place indeed and one that I can myself visualize and understand. You have captured it quite well herein. The general imagery is quite powerful but perhaps if you could dress it within a theme or analogy...i.e. storms..dark woods...but just my opinions of course.. descriptors of how the dark place looks and feel can increase the 'feel' of the poem methinks.
Technically speaking I would perhaps adress some concerns of mine regarding your arrangement and flow structure...just my opinions of course but the poem could be tightened up to be more intense and to flow a bit better
But all in all this is a nicely done expression of a lonely experience that I at least can very much feel and read into...for I too have walked into some dark places of mine own.. regardless if you are just writing for the sake of writing or actually transfering your own emotions..it is quite a nice write! Though I must confess I am a man of darksome tendencies myself thus my appreciation of such depressed poetic expression. |
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Re: A Dark Place
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Thursday, 31st March 2005 @ 09:54:07 AM AEST
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I like this, especially this stanza:
"A place where my self-esteem is low
my personality is bleak
Where all my bad memories flow
and escape is what I seek"
I know that place very well, I seem to have taken up permanent residence recently...
Great write, expressed well,
Phil |
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