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Upon This Tree
Contributed by
tinkerhell
on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 01:58:06 AM in AEST
Topic:
SecretLove
|
I watch you sleep
as I weep
from this tree
you don't see
you just breathe
in this silent night
there is no light
yet I see you well
and I can tell
that in your dreams
although it seems
that perfect place
in where you waste
could be with me
and I'm the key
you are so blind
and I'm out of mind
still far from reach
no part of speech
can break this trance
but I pray the chance
for you to wake
to ease this ache
and look outside
out to this tree in that I hide
Copyright ©
tinkerhell
... [
2005-04-02 01:58:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Upon This Tree
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 08:17:43 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Hmm, I like this. The start seems a little forced, but it lossens up toward the end.
You have a good flow and a good rhyme here.
An unusual write,
Phil |
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Re: Upon This Tree
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 09:14:34 AM AEST
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a Message)
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The starting of the poem does have some forced ryhming but i still think it worked.
So long you know what this poem means then im happy.
I liked it it's a wonderful poem hope to see you post more.
Jane |
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Re: Upon This Tree
(User Rating: 1 )
by mylady on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 11:17:21 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I like it ..If only the little girl would not hide.
maybe you would stop weeping i hope i read right... it nice. |
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Re: Upon This Tree
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 12:12:43 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
I love the symbolism in this..it is refreshingly good...
Keep writing..
Jenni |
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