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Oh, Happiness
Contributed by
blue_angel
on
Monday, 11th April 2005 @ 10:31:11 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I have changed yet you notice not
The old me I have already forgot
Into my skin I carve a broken heart
Symbolizing how youve torn me apart
Shattered into pieces is my soul
All because you couldnt let me go
My independence is who I am
Yet this concept you lack to understand
Am I ever good enough for you?
You criticize me and everything I do
Because of you my hearts unrefined
Because of you Im left undefined
You obliterate my feeling until none remains
Is there no way to rid all of this pain?
Captivated in this state I cannot withstand
Fascinated although death is at hand
You kill me so slowly, pierced right at the heart
You think you help yet you just tear me apart
Can I give up? I cannot hold on
I am so vulnerable and Im not that strong
No words can possibly describe
This aching story that I hold inside
No longer can I voice how I feel
No longer can I recognize whats real
Although existent is the pain
Through my frayed throat I scream in vain
I am held captive inside myself
Ive been abandoned on the highest shelf
Collecting dust I wait to be taken down
Hoping that someday I will be found
Yet no one is left, its too late for me
Theyve all been blinded, they cant see
The real tears that follow the fake smiles
Oh happiness, its been a while
I wish to see the sun again
But its always so dark at the end
Am I the only one who can see your pitilessness?
Am I the one who must suffer from this regret?
No longer innocent I stray from the road
Followed by broken dreams and forgotten hopes
With anticipation and curiosity I persist
Yet even I have to question if I exist
Seeing the sun, alas its only a dream
I must be dead, or so it seems
Dark clouds cover my sight
I see only black, there is no light
Im confident that this is the end
Now I must die without you and my friends
Unnoticed tears roll down my cheeks
Im sure you never noticed I was this weak
But now its too late, you find me lying here
Cold and lifeless, and you shed not a tear
I was nothing, and so my death matters not
Just leave my body, let it perish and rot
Let me become one with the earth
Its sort of the backward of birth
Let the soil consume me, take me in whole
Let go of me, my heart, and my soul
Copyright ©
blue_angel
... [
2005-04-11 22:31:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Oh, Happiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Restless_Soul on
Monday, 11th April 2005 @ 10:53:51 PM AEST
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| You say your alone and that no one can see you, yet you describe a person who won't let you go. Maybe it is yourself that won't let you go, and if that is the case... then take your hands away from your eyes and you will see light. I mean not to poke at you or your poem. I don't know if this is something you wrote a while ago or just now. It does seem a slight bit long, and you ryhme through it till a small section. That throws it off a little. But still good stuff. |
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Re: Oh, Happiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by girltranscended on
Monday, 11th April 2005 @ 10:57:41 PM AEST
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WOW WOW Holy um cow
this was awesome! There are REALLY just TOO MANY beautiful pieces of this. It is suberb and I loved it.
You did a great job sustaining the poem itself.
This line "My independence is who I am" hits home with a great force.
"Because of you my heart’s unrefined
Because of you I’m left undefined" These are very interesting and call for further study.
"Can I give up? I cannot hold on
I am so vulnerable and I’m not that strong" Again very strong lines describing your weakness, incredibly interesting and easy uh way to easy to relate to.
"I am held captive inside myself
I’ve been abandoned on the highest shelf"
"Oh happiness, it’s been a while"
Halleluyah!
"Let me become one with the earth
It’s sort of the backward of birth" This is brilliance to me, a simple observation maybe, but oh, maybe not. *wink
These are just a sampling like I said of some magnificent lines you have written here! I am really impressed and shall go on to your next! Hang in the there Blue.
:)
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Re: Oh, Happiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 11th April 2005 @ 11:42:00 PM AEST
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Really sad but written well.
Hang tuff, my freiend.
hugg, faith, hope, joy, peace, prayer,
emy |
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Re: Oh, Happiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 11th April 2005 @ 11:54:49 PM AEST
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seeping with frustrations and sadness your heart is on your sleeve your expression throughout are deep and honest
Michelle |
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Re: Oh, Happiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by smiley_jennyxoxo on
Tuesday, 12th April 2005 @ 12:48:22 AM AEST
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| That's such a touching poem. It's sad. I've felt your pain before, sometimes it seems like i'm invisible to everyone... If people don't wanna talk to you, find someone who does, there's surely someone to be your friend. No one can survive without friends... spiritually at least. Jenny :) |
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Re: Oh, Happiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Tuesday, 12th April 2005 @ 08:18:51 AM AEST
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What a sad sad touching write. I can feel the emotions so very well.
Thanks for sharing.
Jane |
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Re: Oh, Happiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jaycee on
Tuesday, 12th April 2005 @ 03:59:32 PM AEST
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| Comment? That's harder than writing poetry. I'll start with blown away. I can understand how you can be with someone and be alone. It's how I spend most of my life. Just mentioning this with re: to the other poster. Makes perfectly good sense to me. They say a picture's worth a thousand words but a good poem (like this one) must be worth a thousand pictures. There is such life, such crushing sadness in your poem. If you're not the best poet I've ever read, you're pretty damned close. |
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Re: Oh, Happiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jaycee on
Tuesday, 12th April 2005 @ 04:05:33 PM AEST
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| Oh yeah, almost forgot. The site wouldn't let me give this 6 stars. |
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Re: Oh, Happiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by eXdreamer on
Thursday, 14th April 2005 @ 06:45:03 AM AEST
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"All because you couldn’t let me go
My independence is who I am"
It seems to me that this relationship will never work. He wants to be close, to be one with you, and yet you resist and drift further away.
"You criticize me and everything I do"
Does he really criticize or is he just trying to help? You know, I'm like that. I've had a female friend who got mad every time I gave constructive feedback. She thought I was criticising, but I was really just showing how much I care. Being silent would mean I didn't care.
If someone only gives you praise, he probably just wants you to be his friend, to use you, but doesn't really care about you. A true friend is someone who will help you, even if it ment loosing you. |
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Re: Oh, Happiness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dreama on
Thursday, 14th April 2005 @ 11:08:01 AM AEST
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Interesting post, I liked the style with rhyme and form. A lot of truth and insightfulness here! hope that things are better, i know how good it feels to get things off your chest!
excellent write, keep them up!
Pete |
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