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Self-Contained Hell
Contributed by
justingunshin
on
Friday, 22nd April 2005 @ 08:53:59 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
That one place, I was prepared
Feeling despair, Inside I couldn't repair
The little shell, emptied, hollow, and shattered
Where that heat raised up within
The deceit digging down in sin
The box that carried my soul
Was darker then the blackest
of coal
Living inside out, the pressure gained
Self-containing, the one place that
ingrained, stitched upon me
making me feel the pain.
That one place where darkness
surely dwelled,..... the place of self
created hell..
Copyright ©
justingunshin
... [
2005-04-22 20:53:59]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Self-Contained Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by girltranscended on
Friday, 22nd April 2005 @ 09:09:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
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You have some really great and interesting lines here like:
Where that heat raised up within
The deceit digging down in sin
and
Living inside out, the pressure gained
(But when I get to the next I want so badly to read self-containED (like in your title), one place ingrained)
stitched upon me (very cool idea)
making me feel the pain.
I am lead that way, my ear maybe wants to hear it that way, and if nothing more than for myself, there's one person's opinion. Real cool write though. The heat raised up-deceit digging down... really like that!!!
:)
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Re: Self-Contained Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by sprinter27 on
Friday, 22nd April 2005 @ 09:53:22 PM AEST
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| very good poem. i feel like that all of the time. especailly today. keep up the good work. |
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Re: Self-Contained Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by JacobsKK on
Friday, 22nd April 2005 @ 10:21:30 PM AEST
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| Wow, that's deep. Some of those lines are really catchy |
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Re: Self-Contained Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Saturday, 23rd April 2005 @ 12:36:57 AM AEST
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wow Justin this poems deep.
You express it really well.
Great job on this one..
Hugs
love mom |
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Re: Self-Contained Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 23rd April 2005 @ 05:54:18 AM AEST
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Ooh i liked this, very well writen and the emotiveness of this was really good.
Thanks for posting Justing.
Jane~ |
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Re: Self-Contained Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Saturday, 23rd April 2005 @ 06:14:54 AM AEST
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Justin ... that rocks !!!
Nazmythian ~ |
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Re: Self-Contained Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Saturday, 23rd April 2005 @ 10:53:08 AM AEST
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brilliant and dark, a well written poem,
pix xx |
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Re: Self-Contained Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie-Kie on
Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 01:57:18 AM AEST
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I know a place like that.... *shudders*
This was a great poem... have you ever thought about being published?
Love ya,
~Kiela~ |
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Re: Self-Contained Hell
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lionel on
Wednesday, 26th October 2005 @ 02:47:53 PM AEST
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Good Lord, Are most poets sad to miserable? Find a good Church where you can here the gospel ( good news) of Christ preached. I'm sorry, but I've been reading various poets for about an hour now, and they all seem unhappy. You do have good expressive ability though.
God bless you, I pray. |
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