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Her Friend
Contributed by
kayden
on
Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 04:01:38 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
I have a best friend
She also has a best friend
It causes her pain
But she loves it with all of her heart
So shiny
So tempting
So painful
This friend will be the death of her
The proof of her friend is on her arms
Bearing red
It grows stronger
Walking around
Covering her scats
With head dipped low
And blood shot eyes
She hates this friend of hers
Tearing away at her arms
She runs from the friend that she loved
So dependant
She comes back to it
To love her pain once more
Copyright ©
kayden
... [
2005-04-24 16:01:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Her Friend
(User Rating: 1 )
by nabokovfan87 on
Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 10:14:10 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this is an odd write. i dont know if u meant it but after reading i feel like i dont know what the purpose was. the plot is so unclear and choppy that it takes away from it so much. the reader doesnt know what is happening and so they get lost in it. maybe a rewrite will help. try to be more clear and just simple next write. |
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Re: Her Friend
(User Rating: 1 )
by Addelyn on
Tuesday, 26th April 2005 @ 07:06:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I think this sounds very sad and a little complicated. There a lot of paradoxes; She loves yet she hates, she runs away yet she stays. Lines 9 through 13 cause the reader to stray a little, but the ending line is very powerful. Might want to check your use of the word scats. Keep writing. |
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