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Butterfly In Ice
Contributed by
Gothchyk
on
Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 05:27:31 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
A butterfly so small and quaint
Lands on a flower that you want to paint
Its wings brightly colored like a sunset sky
And pictures come to you as it flutters on a sigh
The clouds begin to darken with anticipating rain
Water drops begin to fall and you cant explain
Why this beautiful insect wont seem to leave
For this cold is making it hard to breathe
I take your hand in mine and help you to your feet
Eyes still fixed on the butterfly in its elegant seat
We turn our heads and run away
Lost in your thoughts theres not much to say
As the rain pours down and thunder crashes
I cant help but notice you staring at the ashes
The orange flames dancing wildly around
Remind you of the butterfly as petals did surround
You walk to the window then pick up your brush
Staring at the canvass trying not to rush
The painting that you start displays all the colors
Of the butterfly that the clouds seemed to smother
The painting is now finished
For the clouds have diminished
The butterfly has paid the price
As the rain freezes surrounding it in ice
Copyright ©
Gothchyk
... [
2005-04-24 17:27:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Butterfly In Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by skadmatrix on
Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 05:37:28 PM AEST
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| wow, this is very good, very well writen, brings you right in the story, awsome write |
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Re: Butterfly In Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 07:40:44 PM AEST
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| the best thing of this poem is the originality of it. you obviously have a creative mind, and it shows. i would say that maybe the biggest problem in this is that sometimes you were borderline in forcing your rhymes. you had a very good ending also. that is what i always look for, and yours didnt dissapoint. |
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Re: Butterfly In Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cancer on
Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 09:17:07 PM AEST
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scrawls that rhyme generally irritate me, so i'm always obliged to give credit when someone makes it work. even working within the rhyme scheme, this was quite good. you've painted something visible and alluring. ***** skittles.
51 |
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Re: Butterfly In Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by smiley_jennyxoxo on
Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 11:07:38 PM AEST
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| That's a great poem. I agree that it was very original. It tells a great story. I understood it all! Jenny |
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Re: Butterfly In Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Addelyn on
Tuesday, 26th April 2005 @ 07:09:44 PM AEST
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| Beautifully sad, a little unsure on the meaning. Wonderful imagery,excellent writing. Keep it up! |
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Re: Butterfly In Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 28th April 2005 @ 09:02:58 PM AEST
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| very cool |
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Re: Butterfly In Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Monday, 2nd May 2005 @ 09:16:27 PM AEST
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beautiful from title to last line, excellent style and flow, hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: Butterfly In Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on
Tuesday, 25th October 2005 @ 12:37:57 PM AEST
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I smile from the shadows
good flow |
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Re: Butterfly In Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kaiba on
Wednesday, 16th November 2005 @ 01:22:43 AM AEST
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| Even better a second time through! Great work. |
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Re: Butterfly In Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sinfullilmissmuppet on
Wednesday, 17th May 2006 @ 06:15:12 PM AEST
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Thats a really beautiful write
the imagery of a butterfly in ice is gorgeous
feel free to drop back to my poems if you want
nothing as creative as that though
xo
emma |
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