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Light on the Water
Contributed by
fionndruinne
on
Wednesday, 27th April 2005 @ 02:19:31 PM in AEST
Topic:
mystical
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Under a dimming sky I walked
The air was cold, and I kept my cloak
Tightly wrapped about me
As I followed whatever paths
Would show themselves to me.
A way under trees I took
Tall dark firs, in a fog standing
Dripping in the dampness
As I walked, kept silent
By the burdened branches above.
When I left the trees behind
I saw a wide space spreading;
Green grass wandering down
To a margin of clear water.
The view was enveloped by mist
That softly surrounded me
As I stepped forward,
A cool touch on my face,
Settling on my cloaks rough cloth.
At the edge of the loch I stood
Staring at a region of whiteness
Like a land beyond ken of mankind.
Then voices drifted through the air
I saw shaded figures over the water
And their hair was lit by sunlight
That I could not see,
And their voices raised
In song deeper than night
But filled with impossible joy.
Coming nearer they hailed me
Greeting me with great kindness
I found my voice and asked them,
Wondering at my own words,
What made them sing so joyfully.
Our joys are the same as our sorrows
And we sing because we know
The beauty that is hidden.
Have you not learned to love
The road set before you?
These words are the words
Of the Writer of Life, they answered.
With that they bid me farewell.
I begged them to tarry;
Show me the way, I cried
But they were no more.
By the loch I sat, and I wept
For sorrow of such light leaving
But after a time fell silent.
My heart felt a great joy
As I remembered the beauty
Of the song that was sung.
A gentle stirring I sensed
As a western wind came up,
And slowly the mist dwindled
The sun shone through at last
A warm touch on my face
But I sat there still
Watching the light on the water
Trying to put my own lifes words
Together in harmonious ways
To fit the music that lingered in my mind.
MMV ADL
Copyright ©
fionndruinne
... [
2005-04-27 14:19:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Wednesday, 27th April 2005 @ 03:32:02 PM AEST
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Andrew, this was just purely magical. The imagery you used was breathtaking.
It's just wow wow wow. Great writing.
Jane~ |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Wednesday, 27th April 2005 @ 04:01:10 PM AEST
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| I always enjoy reading the stories that you seem to so easily convey in your writes, and on top of that the fact that you have such knowledge of what you write about. There's always an aura of imagination, if that makes sense, in all of your pieces. Your words are chosen skillfully here, with emphasis on the surroundings and ideas you want to use to get your point across. One thing that gets to me the most is the fact that you said you didn't capture the inspiration fully, and if that's the case, I'd be surprised at what you didn't write. This was just so in depth, it's hard to comprehend the fact that there's so much more to this iceberg. Well done! |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Wednesday, 27th April 2005 @ 04:26:28 PM AEST
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A writting of distinction and very expressive
emotions, felt evey word of it . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Wednesday, 27th April 2005 @ 07:49:27 PM AEST
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wow this is absolutely sensational. You elucidated ur feelings well. A heavenly breath taking piece written with such distinction.
Well done.
Hugs,
~sue~ |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by Puppy_dog_eyes on
Thursday, 28th April 2005 @ 04:29:18 PM AEST
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You certainly know how to paint the scene.
I felt that I was right there.
Tremendous imagery !!
Steve |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Saturday, 30th April 2005 @ 11:43:26 AM AEST
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| An awe inspiring write if I must say. Your words never cease to impress me. |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 2nd May 2005 @ 12:22:08 AM AEST
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Another awe inspiring, jaw dropping piece.
Johnny. |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shishke_Bob on
Monday, 2nd May 2005 @ 10:19:15 PM AEST
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very well writen and so full of imagery I do like this one greatly, but it would be interesting if you were able to a
have retaind the full amount of this, but I guess vwe'll never know.
KaBob |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Monday, 2nd May 2005 @ 11:19:36 PM AEST
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To another world... yes, your words hove that effect at times.
Let's go get pizza, I'll pay.
David |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by Tanmaya on
Wednesday, 11th May 2005 @ 07:59:43 AM AEST
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Very beautiful images created indeed...
But what I always find more awe-inspiring in your words... is that the images and the atmosphere don't remain just that- they speak of the unseen... even the inexpressible.
It reminds of the verse(2 Corinthians 4:18)- what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
I think that is what brings so much beauty into your words... the truth in them. Which is often simple, and yet so unnoticed by many.
May the courage and wisdom in your words ever shine brighter...
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 10:25:40 AM AEST
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| So soothing, like the water you speak of. I especially like the part about sitting by the loch - used to go to a flood control channel area myself. Beautiful write! |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 28th May 2005 @ 03:34:38 PM AEST
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WOW Holy ***! can you weave a spell or what!!!!!
The imagery alone in this leaves me speechless, but the story itself.....INCREDIBLE!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this! |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Saturday, 4th June 2005 @ 11:01:47 AM AEST
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Oh Andrew...
You must know how I feel about this.
This is..wow... the images were amazing. I could see it all. I sort of wished I were standing there too.
It was like something out of a story book.
But what hit me most was the message behind this.
Andrew, this is now my favourite poem on site.
Thankyou.
Phil xxx |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Saturday, 4th June 2005 @ 11:33:53 AM AEST
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I don't think you could have captured it fully, Andrew... honestly. The part that remains elusive, that didn't make it onto the page, is I believe... an experience that is meant to remain unspoken.
The best craftsmanship always leaves holes and gaps... so that something that is not in the poem can creep, crawl, flash or thunder in.
~Dylan Thomas, Poetic Manifesto, 1961
A poet must leave traces of his passage, not proof.
~Rene Char
I find it somewhat telling that the 'shadowed figures' left when they did. For you stopped where they did, so to speak - and I'd argue that it was at precisely the right place. You walked your reader up to and into the experience... those that have been there will know what that moment was like and those that haven't... gosh, deserve to be given an opportunity to discover it on their own.
Beautiful this is... for many a reason.
Struck,
~Snem~
(who begs your forgiveness for the ramble) |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by liquidsunshine on
Thursday, 16th June 2005 @ 06:01:50 PM AEST
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This is heart-wrenchingly reminiscent of a conversation I had with my boyfriend the other day... he was trying to help me out of my depression and... wow... you've moved me to tears, Andrew.
Thank you for this.
Love and peace,
Chelsea |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 6th July 2005 @ 02:24:45 AM AEST
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this is a wonderful piece.. the imagry is great and the story is neat. your poetry seems to often have this story-telling quality that is very interesting and unique.. i like your work very much!
joshua |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 04:10:03 PM AEST
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NO NO NO Andrew.. You must not do this to me..
Your poem is chock full of imagery..
Then... the aha surprise of life..I hope they return.. but what wisdom they gave before they left was full of truth..
I love the title, which is what drew me to it..
Well now.. I have encountered such an experiment.. and I tried to reach out to hold what I received, only for it to leave me.. breathless.. but then as I come out of my tears... I think.. oh my... wisdom has just come to speak to me..
The way you write, I can just know you are one open brilliant individual..
This poem certainly captured my heart and mind... actually all of my senses.. yes.. even my tastebuds..
The joyful sadness , if there is such a thing.. lol.. having two emotions going on at the same time in me, who said that can't happen.. You just demonstrated that to me..
Thank you for this beautiful poem..
by the by.. not sure if you remember me.. and that I am also an oregonian myself.. nice to meet you...
ha ha.the land of the mist.. but right now.. its already 72 degree.. going to be high 80's.. and then next two days in the 90's.. oh boy.. hot hot hot..
Raquel Leah (Poetress)
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by eatfresh22 on
Monday, 22nd August 2005 @ 06:18:53 PM AEST
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So mystical, and a touch spiritual, to me. Filled with beauty. Lovely imagery. I could feel the mist and hear the song. One of my new favorites, ANDREW...well done.
~Carrie~ |
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Re: Light on the Water
(User Rating: 1 )
by remote on
Thursday, 8th September 2005 @ 02:17:16 PM AEST
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| Couldnt agree more with all the comments left here. |
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