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I've Hit The Bottom
Contributed by
sprinter27
on
Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 09:15:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Ive hit the bottom
There is nothing I can do
Ive hit the bottom
People say,
Once youve hit the bottom,
The only way to go is up
You know what I say to that?
What goes up,
Has got to fall
What goes up,
Has got to fall
So Ive hit the bottom
I dont feel like getting up
Because what goes up,
Has got to fall
Ive hit the bottom
I wont bother trying to get up
I dont want to try to go the only way I can
I dont want to try to go up
Because what goes up,
Has got to fall
What goes up,
Has got to fall
Ive hit the bottom
There is nothing I can do
To help myself
Cause if I try to go the only way I can,
If I try to go up,
I will just fall back down
Because what goes up,
Has got to fall
Ive hit the bottom
And I cant go the only way to go,
I cant go up
Because what goes up,
Has got to fall
Ive hit the bottom
What goes up,
Has got to fall
Ive hit the bottom, I have hit the bottom, Ive hit the bottom
Copyright ©
sprinter27
... [
2005-04-29 21:15:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I've Hit The Bottom
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 9th May 2005 @ 09:28:16 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| i am one that cant stand repetition (as all of the site knows, lol) and this poem was full of it. i believe that using the same words and concept in a poem to excess takes the power and emotion away. for instance youve used the word bottom over ten times. the "has to fall" statement was used just as much. with so much repetition it, the power is gone. your concept that what goes up has to fall to contradict the common statement of rock bottom was very well conceptwise, but making your piece rely so much on the statement being repeated just took out substance and made this dauntingly redundant. for instance saying the same line twice in a 3 line stanza was too much. your ending, of using it three times made me think the same. my belief that once you hit rock bottom you no longer can fall...so why bother going up? |
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