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I give up
Contributed by
gunda
on
Tuesday, 3rd May 2005 @ 03:18:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
I give up, I can`t take this any more
I run as far as I can
I try to run form my own shadow
I try to hide from the light
And the demons that comes with the night
I can`t pretend any more
My demons are with me and won`t set me free
I have one option to become free
I have to run forward until it is only the cliff and me
I won`t fight anymore
I will jump and be free
Why do I start to do this again?
Why do I let my mind trick me this way?
I`ll have to stay focused and don`t let them free
Help me force the dark secrets back in
Help me
Help me
I just wish I were free
Copyright ©
gunda
... [
2005-05-03 15:18:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I give up
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Tuesday, 3rd May 2005 @ 03:37:10 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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There is a lot I can say about this poem. First the meter could be better, meter is the beat of the poem this makes it easier to read (you used too many words on some lines and not enough on others) Second you want consistent meter unless of course you are writing a song (same number of beats each stanza) then you want a chorus that is consistent to your verses. Your words and meaning are fine and while i have specific things I could change to make this poem better You are the writer therefore it is best that you come up with the words from your heart that will make this poem what you want it to be. This is just what I saw from my reading of it and it is as honest an opinion as I can give but only that.
Over all I think it is a good write. |
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