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Death Lay over her
Contributed by
gangster
on
Wednesday, 4th May 2005 @ 05:44:07 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
she lay there still,her body made no movement
she lay un concious, having no idea who lay over her.
her blood had frozen,due to the cold wind that hit upon her bare body
the fear of her death now reached her brain,
was there any one around to save,what she had spent years developing.
was there anyone so kind as to give her back her breath.
now the weight on her body started to increse.
her body no longer able to take the pain, started to lose heart beat.
she was coming in and out of concious, .
she felt like her hands were held down by some one.
now her body had lost its ability to feel.
now the waight over her body reduced.and her blood started flowing through her vains again.
she started breathing slowing now.she fealt like she had come to life again
but as she regained full conciousnes a tear rolled down from her eye,
she felt like her life had been squesed out of her. now she killed herself.
for something very valuble had been taken away from her.
now i ask.
Was It Death That lay over Her ?
Copyright ©
gangster
... [
2005-05-04 05:44:07]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Death Lay over her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Wednesday, 4th May 2005 @ 01:39:13 PM AEST
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Maybe so maybe so .I have to say this poem makes you think.
well done. |
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Re: Death Lay over her
(User Rating: 1 )
by tortured_soul on
Sunday, 16th October 2005 @ 10:18:04 AM AEST
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| I give it a 9 there are a few spelling errors but other than that it was fabulous |
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Re: Death Lay over her
(User Rating: 1 )
by edwynne on
Tuesday, 18th October 2005 @ 08:55:34 AM AEST
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| some good imagery......this is just my opinion but I think it would have benefitted the poem if u were more ruthless with your lines....sometimes in this poem there seems to be two many words being used e.g 'her body made no movement' could be said in one word ..'lifeless' which also sounds dark.....but hey...wot he hell do i know.....great write.. |
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