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Your Words
Contributed by
Supergurl1071
on
Wednesday, 4th May 2005 @ 05:50:47 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Your words fall from me
silent as I hear you leave
as my wounded heart
fades from black to white
time as I see it pressing
for me to get away
fate falls deeper inside me
as I feel the ghost inside
haunting in my passions
wounds far beyond healing
I can't stand any longer
this thought against my brain
but I can't stand to get away
it's pulling me under and over again
words try to breathe
but it strains on me it seems
Copyright ©
Supergurl1071
... [
2005-05-04 17:50:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Your Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Wednesday, 4th May 2005 @ 06:23:28 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| Good write. Don't let the stress of words pull you too far under the current of life, |
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Re: Your Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Socks on
Thursday, 4th May 2006 @ 06:59:08 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Archie offers good advice.
I would suggest maybe playing with some punctuation instead of making the poem seem like a run on sentence. On the other hand, that may be the effect you were going for.
Keep writing. |
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