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She lingers, she leaves
Contributed by
evilfairy
on
Wednesday, 11th May 2005 @ 10:31:22 PM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
|
She takes my heart and holds me close
And strokes my hair, my lips, my face
She finds the ache, too raw to expose
Then she crawls right in and takes its place
Slipping through my outstretched fingers
Like sands returning to the deep
Like the wood smoke in the air, she lingers
Then she leaves me while Im asleep
Straining to hold the fine, silvery thread
Our connection thats precious to me
Painting over the sky in blood-ridden red
So the sun will shine less wintry
My self-containment will not allow
Anxiety to creep into my well guarded heart
No sound of her breath, I cannot sleep now
While we hold so close, never so far apart
MW 12.05.05
Copyright ©
evilfairy
... [
2005-05-11 22:31:22]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: She lingers, she leaves
(User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on
Wednesday, 11th May 2005 @ 11:10:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very good write. I like it. (^_^)v |
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Re: She lingers, she leaves
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 12th May 2005 @ 02:01:57 AM AEST
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*dwindles in the moment*
That was sensational!
I simply love the concept of something "lingering" -it is most appealing and significant.
Emotional and thought provoking.
I articularly liked this line.
"She finds the ache, too raw to expose"
And am in awe of the second paragraph!
Well done.
Loved it. |
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Re: She lingers, she leaves
(User Rating: 1 )
by In_a_while on
Thursday, 12th May 2005 @ 11:39:13 AM AEST
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| very good write that's racked with suffering loss. Your sense of rhyme is particularly strong and meaningful.. i applaud your talent. Keep it up! |
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Re: She lingers, she leaves
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jimmato on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 12:29:26 AM AEST
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| its both sad and erotic and reminds me of early winter afternoons. (wow, strange comment from me) |
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Re: She lingers, she leaves
(User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on
Saturday, 4th February 2006 @ 11:18:51 PM AEST
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Romanticist, we are on a completely seperate page. The concept of something "lingering" in my experiences have to do with someone who ripped one and the stench won't go the hell away. Either that or some bastardization of the words "licking" and "fingers"; as in 'he's lingering the cheese off'. Anyway, that's waaaaaaaaaaay off topic.
I like poem. The only part I don't like is the word "wintry". It just sounds weird. I don't know. It's just me. The rest of the poem overshadows it though, especially the ending. "While we hold so close, never so far apart." It reminds me of the line "i'm sick of dying all alone in your arms" in one of my poems. Good write. I'll shut the hell up now. |
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