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Embrace The End (Revised)
Contributed by
ForeverAlone
on
Tuesday, 17th May 2005 @ 01:45:25 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Embrace The End
The shadow eclipse the nothingness that surrounds
The wisper echos throughout in silence
The regret fills your lungs, soon you drowned
As a mear martyr for your alliance
Bleeding ears tremble from the screams
The boastful words announced to the world around
Your eyes fill with tears, as they shatter your dreams
And a taste of rust in your mouth, from the lies unwound
The meaningless words grow bitter and cold
Your world cames crashing down, as every truth is actually a lie
Books upon books and scriptures to hold
As you close your eyes for very the last time
. . .
Embrace the End
For there is no golden ladder to climb
Just the darkness that towers
. . .
But if there turns out to be a god
I'll meet my maker in time
Just after my darkest hour
Copyright ©
ForeverAlone
... [
2005-05-17 01:45:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Embrace The End (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Tuesday, 17th May 2005 @ 07:54:15 AM AEST
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Awesome, Awesome, Awesome. I love it Clark. The ending is so much better. A superb and outstanding write. A talented poet with the absolute skill in writing poetry. Well done. 5 stars from me on this one.
*hugs*
~sue~ |
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Re: Embrace The End (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Tuesday, 17th May 2005 @ 09:22:45 PM AEST
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| it would be good to see the embrace the end line rhyme with the but if there turns out to be a god line. i cant say i like the ending of this one either. it is not powerful. i tried to make an ending, but there is not a good one that i could find to even work with this rhyme scheme and rhythmn. for one i think you should make the next from last stanza your final stanza with the rhyme scheme used in the rest of this. and for the ending line have something about god and the darkest hour. ut your last line wasnt fine for the other one, and the last two stanzas for this dont really work. and one other thing clark, if you offend people it is good to right a wrong, but dont step down from where you stand if you truely believe in it, because then you are nothing but them in a mirror image. all of your other stanzas are fine, they just need a good last stanza (or two if you want it that way) to make this a masterpiece. |
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Re: Embrace The End (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by pUnKa_RaCh on
Sunday, 22nd May 2005 @ 01:37:52 AM AEST
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woah...i ESPECIALLY liked this one
just brilliant and ur words suck me in...you are very smart and talented...you have a gift clark!
wow i wish i could write so well
just beautiful |
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