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When I'm Kissing You
Contributed by
sir_odd87
on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 08:41:14 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Your eye are things of beauty
Those gorgeous pools of blue
Are even lovely when they're closed
When I'm kissing you.
Your nose won't fit in bottle caps
Like other girls' do
But fits perfectly against my cheek
When I'm kissing you.
Your arms don't hold on with the strength
Of some adhesive glue
But I can't break free from their hold
When I'm kissing you.
You're a beautiful young woman
The others envy you
Yet you become more beautiful
When I'm kissing you.
Copyright ©
sir_odd87
... [
2005-05-25 08:41:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: When I'm Kissing You
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 11:05:48 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This is lovely.
One things stood out to me though, this line:
"Your nose won't fit in bottle caps"
I'm sorry, but it doesn't make sense to me, and puts the poem off. I don't think it fits....
That's the only thing that caught my eye though.
Otherwise, good write.
*hugs* Phil xxx
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Re: When I'm Kissing You
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 01:32:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Straight from the heart, any attemp 2 express
one's feeling 4 another is comendable, nice
write . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: When I'm Kissing You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 03:55:34 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| DO you think about the good things when you're irate? |
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Re: When I'm Kissing You
(User Rating: 1 )
by JGB on
Thursday, 30th March 2006 @ 03:13:16 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I like it. I feel it. The bottle caps bit didn't sound quite right but I do like it. |
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