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It's You I Hate
Contributed by
Live2Die
on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 04:13:30 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
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Looking at your face Youre staring into space Its come to this debate And its this debate I hate.
Looking at your eyes Hearing all your lies Its come down to this trait, And its this trait I hate.
Looking at your hands Seeing all theyre plans Theyre saying that its great, But its this I hate.
Looking at your mind Seeing you unwind Its come down to this fate And its you I hate.
Copyright ©
Live2Die
... [
2005-05-26 16:13:30] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: It's You I Hate
(User Rating: 1 ) by hauntedscorp on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 04:58:58 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I enjoyed reading this and I think I see where you were heading with this write, but I don't think you quite achieved it. With a little more patience and thought, I think you are quite capable of creating a masterpiece...Keep it up! Scorp. |
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Re: It's You I Hate
(User Rating: 1 ) by girltranscended on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 05:34:05 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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This has awesome flow and I like the progression of hate. One word tho. "unwind" seems out of place to me. Someone who is staring, debating, lying, planning doesn't seem to be someone to me who is unwinding. Unless you meant kind of unravelling instead of relaxing. ? I dunno. I really liked this, great job!
:) |
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Re: It's You I Hate
(User Rating: 1 ) by bttrflynajar on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:45:10 PM AEST (User
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wow ... i have felt this feeling before.. i know it so well.. your poem ! i love it! your a beautiful writter! |
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