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It's You I Hate
Contributed by
Live2Die
on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 04:13:30 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Looking at your face
Youre staring into space
Its come to this debate
And its this debate I hate.
Looking at your eyes
Hearing all your lies
Its come down to this trait,
And its this trait I hate.
Looking at your hands
Seeing all theyre plans
Theyre saying that its great,
But its this I hate.
Looking at your mind
Seeing you unwind
Its come down to this fate
And its you I hate.
Copyright ©
Live2Die
... [
2005-05-26 16:13:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: It's You I Hate
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 04:58:58 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| I enjoyed reading this and I think I see where you were heading with this write, but I don't think you quite achieved it. With a little more patience and thought, I think you are quite capable of creating a masterpiece...Keep it up! Scorp. |
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Re: It's You I Hate
(User Rating: 1 )
by girltranscended on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 05:34:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
This has awesome flow and I like the progression of hate. One word tho. "unwind" seems out of place to me. Someone who is staring, debating, lying, planning doesn't seem to be someone to me who is unwinding. Unless you meant kind of unravelling instead of relaxing. ? I dunno. I really liked this, great job!
:) |
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Re: It's You I Hate
(User Rating: 1 )
by bttrflynajar on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:45:10 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| wow ... i have felt this feeling before.. i know it so well.. your poem ! i love it! your a beautiful writter! |
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