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I'd be Happy
Contributed by
Mild_Tempest
on
Sunday, 29th May 2005 @ 04:43:59 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
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Without you Im freezing cold, Without you I cannot live. With you Ill grow happy and old, With you Id be happy to forgive.
I cannot give you the stars, I cannot give you luxury. Together the world is ours, Together we wont be in misery.
Ill be the one you need most, Ill be the one you can always find. Ill be the one thats like a ghost, Ill be the one thats in your mind.
If youll let me take your hand, If youll let me comfort you. Ill take you to your dreamland, Ill take you and write a haiku.
Without you Im freezing cold, Without you I cannot live. Youre my highly valued gold, Youre my wish I wont outlive.
Copyright ©
Mild_Tempest
... [
2005-05-29 16:43:59] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I'd be Happy
(User Rating: 1 ) by Doriens_Picture on
Sunday, 29th May 2005 @ 05:49:43 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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awe
If you’ll let me take your hand,
If you’ll let me comfort you.
I’ll take you to your dreamland,
I’ll take you and write a haiku
I LIkes alot
and this is where i get harsh
if you will be like a ghost how is she supposed to hold you hand |
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Re: I'd be Happy
(User Rating: 1 ) by poet70 on
Sunday, 29th May 2005 @ 08:06:07 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I liked the poem, and here is my harshness also, the ghost thing just DID NOT WORK for me either, I think it would of maybe worked better if you would have put in there,
Together you and I will go to the coast.
Or
I'll be the one to take you to the coast.
or added ocean in there
it rymes with the word most.
But you know what, I still liked it, it was just the ghost thing that did not fit in the poem. Keep writing ok, cos you do have a talant for writing, and anyone who asks for tough comments, is really wanting to fine tune that talant and I really have to give you allot of credit for that, and because of that I am giving you a 4* vote on the poem, the ghost knocked it down from a 5*, sorry.
Tammi |
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