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After the Exit
Contributed by
ShadowDaughter
on
Monday, 30th May 2005 @ 10:54:27 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
after the exit
pale as ivory
in tangled strands our thoughts were
perfect,
but for sidelong queries (what
exit, I said, I
couldnotstop asking)
and you, you, you
[more you than I
meant, and that was the worst of all]
gestured
leaving the stars
and I, dear,
always prefering clarification,
called you back (you
spun thread, deaf as ever)
to dream me the exit in
whiter, clearer tones.
after
a long time, with youandthoughts
not near as perfect,
it was enough.
And you blanched
to match the ivory.
Copyright ©
ShadowDaughter
... [
2005-05-30 22:54:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 30th May 2005 @ 11:16:38 PM AEST
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| Nice |
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 31st May 2005 @ 11:45:17 AM AEST
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Wonderful Nora!!!
Still, it makes me wonder how much of the you...is you.
Cleverly done, if but somewhat sad. |
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Tuesday, 31st May 2005 @ 03:49:59 PM AEST
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You should post more often. You are actually fairly good, you know. Little abstract for me, but many others enjoy your work immensely.
: ))
Rita |
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 31st May 2005 @ 06:47:29 PM AEST
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Beautiful work, Nora. It's something about the way the imagery is itself a bit hard to make sense of, but communicates the meaning of the poem so well. Meanings hidden in pictures, which, when understood, are powerful.
Excellent to see thee post once more, o friend. May your road rise up.
Andrew |
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 31st May 2005 @ 07:40:45 PM AEST
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A rather obscured piece.
I find it interesting and most fitting -the link between your title, the use of it within your poem and the subtle expression it offers.
It reminds me of an afterlife.
The beginning of something after the death of everything...or perhaps almost everything...everything that you once knew?
Perhaps misinterpreting?
Regardless you have recurring themes...
"pale as ivory" -you have began and ended with refinement and significance.
"in tangled strands our thoughts were
perfect"
-interesting incongruity...perfect imperfection?
"leaving the stars" -descent of some form?
"always prefering clarification,
to dream me the exit in
whiter, clearer tones."
-sounds like acceptance or certainty?
"to match the ivory"
-to me, this piece felt crestfallen...despite the significance of colour and brightness...
I really adore this poem....abstract and ambiguous...
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eve on
Friday, 3rd June 2005 @ 11:30:12 AM AEST
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You know how to drive your points... all too well, I'm sure. I don't even need to quote this and throw this and that in; merely because it'd be the entirety. Certainly, yours is the only poetry that can make me tear up anymore, and it's rather bittersweet to read new words. Nevertheless, I've been missing your poetry more and more.
Hope you're doing okay but, where and how do we define 'okay'?
But yes. Too much of a very very exceedingly long time, I say.
Keep writing,
-Eve. |
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Saturday, 4th June 2005 @ 01:27:57 PM AEST
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Oh Nora...you have no idea how much I have missed your words.
"and I, dear,
always prefering clarification,
called you back (you
spun thread, deaf as ever)
to dream me the exit in
whiter, clearer tones.
after
a long time, with youandthoughts
not near as perfect,
it was enough.
And you blanched
to match the ivory."
I love that, it is my favourite part of it all.
And as usual, I have nothing else to say...
Great write sweetie,
*hugs* Phil xxx |
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Avarice_Riot on
Sunday, 10th July 2005 @ 12:12:22 AM AEST
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Interesting piece. I rather like the abstract nature of your words, it gives one an opportunity for various interpretations.
and I, dear,
always prefering clarification,
called you back (you
spun thread, deaf as ever)
to dream me the exit in
whiter, clearer tones.
Absolutely mesmerizing verse. You should post more often, you have a distinct style of poetry. :) |
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Sunday, 10th July 2005 @ 12:39:40 AM AEST
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That was gorgeous, such a beautiful and yet seemingly sad picture.
I really liked this and will be reading your work from now on.
~Kara |
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dri on
Friday, 15th July 2005 @ 07:52:35 PM AEST
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| there's nothing like obscurity on a hot summer day...this was a fun read, holds you until the end. |
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Erualaitalmarea on
Wednesday, 3rd August 2005 @ 05:38:59 PM AEST
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I remember your poems quite well, I myself haven't posted in a while. I don't know how to explain it but your poetry always tingles my mind and imagination. Yes you should post more often :)
Formerly
I was MissLee :) |
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Monday, 8th August 2005 @ 07:53:54 AM AEST
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In this write, I found expressions that I will no doubt use for inspiration for future writes of my own, with your permission ofcourse. It takes great talent to do free verse and make it " work " as well as you did here. You are among the elite.
Very well done
Roses
Larry |
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Thursday, 25th August 2005 @ 05:57:32 PM AEST
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| You have a good writing flare. I never thanked you for helping me to continue writing when I thought no one would read what I wrote. I thank you for helping me months ago when I was selfish. I still have your entry in my journal. |
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Re: After the Exit
(User Rating: 1 )
by AndTheFoolShallBurn on
Monday, 19th September 2005 @ 11:54:17 AM AEST
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| Very nice. I really like your style. |
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